Pregnant Brain

It's real folks.

I swear my vocabulary goes right out the window. Can't ever think of the word I need when I need it ;)

And being busy just does not help! I swear we have been all full up on appointments these days. Last week we had the ultrasound on Monday, an appointment on Wednesday, baby girl's 18mos check up Thursday... and this week I had my dr apt this morning...

But with the whole appointment thing... 2 weeks ago I posted about forgetting baby girl's 18mos check up and having to reschedule... well, yesterday I flipped the calender to March just to see what I have going on next month and there is a "1pm baby girl" written on March 25th. Obviously a dr's appointment because there's really nothing else it could be. So at my apt this morning I asked if I had her scheduled, sure enough I did! I must've called twice to schedule her 18mos apt! ???? Ugh. I'm totally losing my mind!

At my appointment this morning, we almost left little man's juice cup. The funny thing was that it was him who reminded me! Just as we were walking out the door he asked where his juice cup was. Glad someone was paying attention!

Last time I was pregnant my husband told me I needed to stop going places myself, he was afraid I would forget little man somewhere... the bad thing was that I think he was serious! ;)

Anyway, I noticed this morning, in my palm (when I was looking to make sure I didn't have anything else scheduled this week that I forgot to write on the calender!) I noticed that I had "due date" still in there. So today would have been my due date. I had forgotten. Just when my due date had been of course. I was just thinking about the miscarriage last night. Its never too far from my mind. The pain does lessen, but the memories don't fade quite as fast. I know it would be a different story if I wasn't pregnant now. I probably would have been obsessing over the due date, and today would have been much harder to swallow.

I know how blessed I am, pregnant brain and all! :)

And seriously, I think pregnant brain lasts until after you are done nursing... maybe not as bad, but still ;)

Busy, Busy

Had a busy week. Busy trying to finish the 4th Twilight book so I can concentrate on the classes I'm teaching this semester! Three quarters of the way through. It was a struggle to get my syllabi prepared... I took on a second class at the last minute. I'm excited about teaching of course and can't wait to devote myself to that instead of the obsession of Twilight...

Had to take little man to the Dr yesterday. He had this red patch under his eye which wasn't getting any better. He kept rubbing it and making it worse. Turns out its eczema. They gave us a prescription for an ointment, but it has steroids in it and I'm a little afraid to use it on him. Anyone have any more natural remedies?

I had originally made an appointment for Tuesday. Our regular Dr is always scheduled out for a month or two, so any spur of the moment appointments we have to see someone else in her office. And every single time I've had to make an appointment for something the first Dr they try to make an appointment with is the one who offended me with a few off comments. Particularly a comment about my miscarriage being "practice."

I always refuse to see him and ask if we can see someone else. They probably wonder why I refuse to see that Dr. Anyway, we made the appointment with a physician's assistant there. But then I realized that I would have to get the kids up and dressed in time to take my husband to work so we could have the car... and that idea just didn't appeal to me. Especially when the next day would be more convenient to do that - I teach in the mornings then come home and then the hubby goes to work... Anyway, so I called and rescheduled for Wednesday, assuming they would reschedule with the PA that I was going to see on Tuesday. Nope. And of course they did not mention that when I rescheduled. I was none the wiser until after the Nurse took all of Little Man's vitals and said that Dr so and so would be right in.

I just about jumped off the chair and took off. But of course, I remained adult about it. And I started feeling a little guilty... especially after he looked at little man and made his diagnosis and explained the treatment and everything. He is a really nice Dr. But still, the words he spoke to me months and months ago were just so completely insensitive. They still burn. I was just glad that my husband couldn't go to the appointment with us. He would have insisted we leave when he found out we were seeing that Dr.

I almost feel like I'm harboring an unfair grudge. But then again... what kind of a Dr says such a thing? And every time I see him I am reminded of things I don't want to be reminded of. Things that I can't seem to forget anyway, but made ever so present when I see him. Its like a slap in the face.

I don't want to dwell there.

So let's move on...

I think the nausea is finally subsiding. I still feel a little pukey a few times a day, but not 24/7. So that's quite an improvement. Time is flying by so fast. I can't believe I'm already a little past 17 weeks! Of course the first 12 weeks went by so slow!! I felt like I would never get through to that 12 week mark. Now I'm just waiting for my ultrasound in the middle of February. And hoping and praying that everything will turn out good!

Guess I got some time after all

After waiting for my husband to come for for about 45mins, he called to say he was still stuck at work :) so maybe I can squeeze a real post in here after all :)

If you are here for the award, scroll down! :)

So I've been thinking a lot these past couple of weeks about pregnancies. For obvious reasons. I'm comparing it to the last one for anxiety reasons. And in hindsight, I really didn't have too many pregnancy symptoms last time. I was constipated, peeing a little more often, and just a little hungrier. But otherwise, I didn't even feel pregnant. I guess it didn't concern me last time because I didn't remember feeling all that pregnant with either of my two other babies.

But now? I remember feeling exactly like I'm feeling now when I was pregnant with my baby girl (my second baby). I am starving my butt off constantly. Last time, I would eat seconds at dinner, but I wasn't spending every waking hour scarfing up everything I could lay my hands on! And I've started feeling nauseous at night. And nauseousness is a good thing. OK, so it doesn't feel all that great, but it is a good indication of a well established pregnancy. The first night I started feeling nauseous, I was hesitantly feeling better about this pregnancy... but thinking maybe it was just something I ate... but now I've been nauseous for about three days straight! And I'm outgrowing my pants already! So I just can't help but feel good. Of course I'm still full of anxiety, but I know that I wasn't feeling anywhere near this pregnant last time.

It is killing me not being able to tell anyone! Well, of course I told you guys ;) But we are waiting to tell family until we are sure that everything is going OK. I will admit that I did tell my mom. Who doesn't blab to their mom right away? I still can't keep secrets from her. And knowing that she can't keep a secret, I finally broke down and told one of my sisters. It was maybe a week later than when I told my mom. And my sister said that my mom kept asking her if she'd talked to me, so she was thinking something was up. Too funny. And once my mom knew that I told my little sister, she just couldn't wait to tell my other sister... so I'm sure by now my entire family knows. But I won't tell my husband that :) And I actually talked to his sister for an hour yesterday and managed to keep my mouth shut about it! That was no easy feat!

I need to really watch myself though - we haven't told Tweenie yet. Because of last time. She was really excited about having another baby, and was pretty upset about the miscarriage. Last night while we were trick-or-treating I almost blabbed to a complete stranger in front of Tweenie! That would have been awful! Tell a stranger before your own daughter? I so need to just tape my big mouth shut! But I'm thinking that she's going to be able to guess here pretty soon, as my pants are no longer fitting...

The really sucky thing about not being able to tell anyone, is that every time I've been pregnant there's been some reason for not blabbing to everyone immediately.

The first time I was pregnant, I found out on the same day that my step-dad died. It was one of the best and worst days of my life. My step-dad had passed out at home after having passed out at work, they were headed to his Dr's. The next day I took the test at my mom's before we left for the hospital. I didn't want to take the test at home. Anyway, long story short, later that night was when they decided to take him off life support, and he passed right after. If I would have known, I never would have taken the test that day. I just know that my step-dad would have really gotten a kick out of my little man. I know he would have doted over him. Needless to say, we waited a while to tell my family. Just bad timing.

The second time I was pregnant, I was starting to think I was pregnant right after my little sister's dad passed away and she was going through a miscarriage. That was another awful time for my family. And again, I waited a while to tell my family. And then I waited even longer to tell my baby sister. And even when I did tell her, I felt just awful. With our first babies, we were pregnant at the same time, we had our first babies just two months apart. I so wanted to be pregnant with her again. She ended up having her second baby nine months after I had mine :)

And the last time? Well, we told everyone right away. Even though we found out that one of my husband's close cousins had passed away the same day. And his brother had just passed away a few weeks before. His family was thrilled though - with all the loss, they were so happy to be having another addition.

And that would be the down side of telling everyone right away... because then we ended up having to call and tell everyone the bad news. Those were some of the worst phone calls I've ever had to make.

Anyway, I don't know how long I can wait to tell everyone! How long should I wait? 10 weeks? 12 weeks? I'm thinking 10 weeks, because 12 weeks is just so long! I guess I'm already about halfway there - I will be six weeks along tomorrow. The funny thing is that at six weeks along with baby girl was when I started outgrowing my pants! I thought maybe it was twins since I was getting bigger quicker. But I guess after your first one you get bigger quicker :)

Well, I'll just be sitting here eating everything in sight and trying like crazy to keep my big mouth shut!

Damn that Halloween candy.

I mean seriously, it is just astounding how hungry I have been. I've even eaten stuff off the high chair after baby girl is done eating. As long as it hasn't already been slobbered on too much.