Top 10 Reasons...

Why I did not take my kids to the special Halloween playgroup party today:

Yes, it's time again for Mama Kat's writing prompt!
And this week I'm choosing #5) You've been hired as a writer for "Late Show with David Letterman." Your first assignment is to come up with a witty, nonpolitical Top Ten list for him to read on air.
OK, so David Letterman would most likely never read a top ten list like this, but... he wasn't faced with the decision of whether to take his two little kids to a Halloween playgroup party...


10. I haven't taken my kids to the playgroup since about January. So they would know I was only going to get the free book and treats!
9. And actually, I only went to the playgroup about 3 or 4 times anyway... one of them being the Halloween party. And that was only to get the free book and treats ;)
8. I was afraid I would take a picture of the wrong Spiderman. Last year at least half of the boys went as Spiderman. My son has never seen Spiderman, yet *had* to have a Spiderman costume. Subliminal marketing?
7. We've gone somewhere every day this week... and I'm just tired of going... I needed one day for some rest and relaxation, 'cause we all know that with trick-or-treat tomorrow I'll be out and about again.
6. I need to stay home and sew my daughter a pirate vest for tomorrow. I spent 2-3 weeks crocheting one, but somehow it turned out to be way too big and she'd look like a clown instead of a pirate. Maybe she'd rather be a clown? ;) I guess I should be looking for my sewing machine!
5. All the other moms at the playgroup are either needy or pretentious. And lets just say that I don't fit into any of their little cliques. I hate to be mean and all, but its the truth. I would probably fit into that needy category too, but seriously, most of the time I don't mind not having any friends.
4. I planned on getting a lot of things done around the house instead. Oops. Guess I should have just been honest with myself and admitted that I was going to sit around doing bloggy things all day.
3. It was at 10:30am. And it takes 40mins to get there. Need I say more?
2. I won't have time or energy to wash their Halloween costumes before trick-or-treat, and we all know that they will be soiled in some way (by food or diaper leakage).
1. I'm just a lazy bitch.

Voting is now closed ;)

Thank you all for voting in my poll!

I have decided to go ahead and let my daughter start shaving. I know that she will be thrilled!! I'm going to go out and buy her an electric shaver, so she doesn't end up living with band-aids all over her legs! :)

Out of 16 people who voted, 11 of them said I should go ahead and let her shave.
And most of the responders said they/their daughters started shaving at 12 years old. 11 years old came in at a close second place. So I guess its not too terribly early.

For the past week I have been trying to remember how old I was when I started shaving, and I just can't remember.

What I do remember about it? Well, I don't remember my mother telling me anything about it beforehand. And maybe I just took up shaving without asking? But the first time I shaved, not only did I shave my legs, but I also shaved my forearms!! So I do remember my mother telling me that you weren't supposed to shave your arms :) I guess maybe I got confused and thought arms instead of armpits??

Anyway, thank you all for voting and thanks for all the advice!!

And I keep meaning to give a shout out to April at The Life of Me Plus Three! She just started her blog this month and flatteringly stated that I helped her make the decision :) Dig around in her archives 'cause she's got some really good posts there!

And I should also mention that Jo-Jo of A Mom's World of Madness and Blessings is hosting her very first giveaway! A shirt with your bloggy name on it from Embroidery Works! :) Sounds awesome!

Candycorn anyone?

Dear Husband,

OK, I admit it. It was me last night eating candy corn in bed at 3am.

I couldn't help myself.

It was calling to me from the counter when I got up to pee for the second time.

I would have just eaten it in the kitchen, but I was holding sleeping baby girl and didn't want her to wake up (the joys of co-sleeping). So I crawled into bed with a handful of candy corn. At least it was a quiet food and I didn't wake everyone up with my munching.

But yeah, OK, there may be a little orange stain on the bed from when I fell asleep in the middle of my snack. And maybe a few stray candy corns under my pillow. At least it wasn't chocolate pudding I was sneaking in bed.

I know, I know, I am a big freak about not eating in bed and have forbidden you to ever do so. But you should know by now that the "no eating in bed" rules change for pregnant women. I'm exempt from this rule for the next 7 or so months. You however, are still forbidden from eating in bed. I just don't like the idea of sleeping in someone else's crumbs.

Thanks for understanding :)

I would so walk a mile for...

some good Mexican food!!! Yes, it's time again for Mama Kat's writing prompt!

But sadly, around here - there are no good Mexican restaurants! I would have to walk about 500 miles...

Man do I love me some good Mexican food! I wouldn't just walk a mile for some right now, I would totally do some unsavory things (OK, couldn't come up with something more specific at this moment) to get some good Mexican food right now!

The best Mexican food I've ever had was in Tucson. I spent a year there in graduate school. And I'll be damned if I didn't eat Mexican food at least twice a week! Probably more like 5 times a week. I would have so totally been in heaven had I been pregnant while I was there. I think through every pregnancy I've dreamed about the food there... from the taco shacks to the fancy restaurants...

Oh, the rolled guacamole tacos and the machaca burrito were totally my favorites. But the best thing in the world? There was this restaurant down the street from my apartment that had a Sunday breakfast buffet. Me and a bunch of my friends from the apartment complex would go out drinking Saturday night and then we'd all go out to the breakfast buffet on Sunday morning all hung-over or still drunk from the night before. Oh I can still taste the cheese enchilada casserole. And I've tried so hard to find a recipe that would taste anything like it!

So that's what I would totally walk a mile for.

I've been tagged!

I've had a busy day! I so need to go do some blog visiting and catch up!! I will have to do it tomorrow as I just finally got all my groceries put away after going to a bunch of appointments and the store today... and its just about time to go pick the huz up at work... days need to be sooo much longer!!

So I need to come up with 7 random/weird facts about myself?? Geez, aren't they all random and weird ;)

1. I know why little man loves Cheetoes and Oreos so much ;) I ate them like crazy when I was pregnant with him.

2. I totally ate a temporary filling this afternoon while scarfing down some bbq chicken chunks from Wal-Mart... ugh, that one should probably fall under gross... the weird thing is that I had the "temporary" filling put in Jan of 2004! I'll say those temporary fillings last quite a while! I better get my butt to the dentist! But I hate the dentist!!!

3. I always envisioned myself a PTA mom. Until I had kids. (I joke!) And until I saw how busy my sister is with all that stuff! She does way too much. Really, I wouldn't mind doing the PTA thing or getting more involved in school activities, but we live 30miles from the school and that makes it really difficult.

4. I'm totally loading little man up on sweets as I work on this post. It is keeping him quiet! ;) I just hope he'll eat something for dinner tonight.

5. We have a weiner dog and a black lab. The weiner dog totally rules the entire house. She is also the better watch-dog. Go figure. She also bosses my mom's black lab around when we visit her.

6. I totally love garlic. I don't know where I came about this love because apparently my mother was afraid to use real garlic in anything. As an adult, attempting some of the recipes she made while we were kids, I realized that she omitted garlic from every recipe that called for it. Instead she would shake a little garlic powder in whatever it was.

7. I totally just ate little man's wasted, crumbled Nilla wafer cakester off the table. It was pretty darn good! :)

And now I totally have to run out the door to get the huz in time! So as far as tagging others goes... If anyone wants to be tagged go for it!! Feel free to snatch it up ;)


PS: I totally forgot to link back to the person who tagged me!! Sorry Melissa! So there it is :)

I'm such an ass...

Guess what guys? I tested too early!! Twice!! You gotta read the fine lines on these things people ;) I tested 5 days before my period was due... the first time... that was Tuesday. And it was after drinking a few cups of coffee - well after my first morning pee... Then I thought I would just check again on Wed morning with first morning pee. When they say 5 days sooner... that means 5 days before the day after you should have started your period. So really its 4 days before your expected period. And of course I totally did not even take heed of the percentage info on the test:

53% of pregnant women get results 5 days sooner. 74% get results 4 days sooner. 84% get results 3 days sooner, 87% get results 2 days sooner.

So I got my second negative on Wednesday and was so depressed that I went ahead and drank too much coffee, didn't take my prenatal vitamin... etc... just assumed that a negative really meant "no chance in hell you idiot."

But not too long after getting that negative, my boobs started really hurting. And I realized that I wasn't just thinking they hurt due to wishing they hurt. And the day I got the negative? Totally scarfed down a whole KFC famous bowl in record time. My hubby was astonished to see that and commented on it. And the whole time I was afraid that he would accuse me of being pregnant and I would totally lose it and sob while telling him that I wasn't. And then I started with the heartburn. I've had horrid heartburn for the past three days! And I've been falling asleep watching tv at 9pm!! And did I mention how damned hungry I was???

So, this morning I debated with myself as long as I could hold my pee about whether to waste my last test or not. I decided, who cares? Waste of money for a good reason. And I can just buy more next month if necessary.

So guess what happened? Just as I was starting to get really discouraged for the third time this month, and just as I was about to pitch the thing in the trash... a faint little second line showed up!!!!! It's there!! 2 lines!!!!

I just can't form the words for how uber-happy this makes me today! Hubby was all smiles too.

But now comes the really hard part. Being scared and paranoid for the next 9 weeks. Hoping and praying that all will go well until that 12 week mark. And then the worry and anxiety of making it the rest of the way without any complications.

I'm just going to try really hard to stay as positive as possible. Think positive. Be positive. Take it easy and relax. And pray. Pray, pray, pray that I will be able to keep this baby in my belly. Please baby stay with me. I want you. I need you. I love you already! Please love me too!

Humor Me Puhlease ;)

My tweenie is getting all too growed up, all too fast. She has been bugging me since March to let her shave her legs. I just don't think I'm ready for that yet. But then again, she is going to grow up whether I want her to or not. And if I don't help her out and explain things to her and show her how to do things? I just don't want to think about what kinds of wrong ideas that will give her. Or that her friends will give her.

Last weekend, after her halloween stay-over party... she asked me if she was going to get the Gardisil vaccine. Because her friend V was talking to her about it and had gotten it. V is at least 2 years older than tweenie. We had actually talked to our family physician about it and she suggested around the age of 13 (which is how old V is). So, thanks to V, I had to explain a few things to tweenie.

Then on Wednesday, during the debate, tweenie asked what abortion was. Thank God she asked during the debate and my husband wasn't too shocked to say anything and he told her we would talk about it later because we wanted to hear the debate. Now I have to come up with how to explain that one to her. Thank you presidential debate.

Back in March when she first started asking me if she could shave her legs, I put her off by saying that she needed to show me that she was responsible enough to do the "necessary" things like taking a shower, brushing her teeth and hair, clipping her nails and remembering to put deodorant on without being told before she could move on to the more optional things. She remembered to do some of those things for a couple of days after each conversation... I don't know what it is with the girls her age, but they do *not* like taking baths or showers. My step daughter is 9 mos older than tweenie and is the same way. Neither of them will do any self-maintenance things unless and until you specifically tell them to.

And sometimes, I hate to admit, I am not completely on top of it all and may forget to remind them to do these things. They will not say anything. They will run around unshowered for as long as it takes me to remember to tell them to go shower.

When I was that age? I'll be damned if I didn't take a shower every other day if not daily. And the first time I smelled my own armpits? That's when I totally started showering daily come hell or highwater! And I never would have left the house without putting on deodorant. I mean there were cute boys at school! And tweenie and the step-daughter? They are totally into boys too! Don't they want to smell good for those boys?

But back to the shaving thing. The other day Tweenie tells me that her leg hair is embarrassing and can't she puhlease start shaving? If she remembers to shower for the rest of the month without being told can't she puhlease start shaving? Everyone else in her class does! I tell her that its almost winter and there's no point in starting now because she'll be wearing pants until spring. But no! There's gym class and she'll be wearing shorts for gym class. Well, she's got a point there. But the embarrassing part? I told her that what would embarrass me more than unshaven legs was smelling bad. She looked at me like I was joking around with her. I told her I was serious. I would so rather be caught with hairy legs than with horrid BO! I would go out in public with stubbly or fully hairy legs way before I would ever leave the house without showering and lathering on the deodorant.

I told her I would think about it.

I asked my step-daughter's mother if the step-daughter had start shaving yet. She is a year older. And she said that just last week she'd helped her shave her legs and armpits with an electric shaver. And I think that when I do let tweenie shave it will totally be with an electric shaver. Part of the reason I've been so hesitant is thinking of the mess that tweenie will invariably leave behind in the bathroom...and all the knicks she will end up with on her leg because she will be trying to do it so fast...and the potential of her using my razors... Electric shaver seems like the way to go. Now for the when part... Can't they just stay 5 forever???

Please help me out by voting in my poll on the sidebar! :)

I Wish I Was Making This Stuff Up!

For those of you dying to know - I kid myself ;) The p-test (what an accurate abbreviation!) was a BFN. Negative. I think it actually laughed at me both times I dug it out of the garbage to make sure another line didn't show up. I was going to do a long depressing post about how disappointed I am, but... I need to find a good mood from somewhere. I have to teach tonight. So I will try to save my depression for tomorrow when I have no other-worldly obligations.

So on to the post having nothing to do with not being pregnant this month.

I have reprimanded my 11-year old daughter many many times about taking her time when she does things. She is constantly tearing open packages beyond the ziplock, opening packages upside down... spilling things out in her hurry to get the package open.

Cut to this morning. Little man has climbed over the safety gate, into the kitchen, got himself into his booster seat and buckled himself up and is requesting "marshmewows, marshmewows, marshmewows, nebo smoot snacks, nebo smoot snacks (Nemo fruit snacks), marshmewows, marshmewows, banowna bar (granola bar), marshmewows, marshmewows..." while I'm trying to make my coffee.

So I, under much duress, am trying to open a new bag of his marshmellow cereal (which, yes, he will only eat the marshmellows out of) as quickly as possible so that he will cease with the raving 3 year old rant...

What happens? Of course, I tear open the bag past the ziplock! Out pops little chocolate balls and marshmellows.

And then what happens? My potty mouth gets the better of me and I say "son of a big fat bitch" because of course it couldn't have just been shit or damn or anything less colorful.

And what does little man pick out of that phrase to repeat?

"mama's a fat bitch, mama's a fat bitch"

I wish I was making that up.

I turned my head so he couldn't see me giggling like a jr. high school girl... and so he would quit repeating that asap! God I hope he forgets that one really really quick!

What am I teaching these kids? Give me a bar of Lava soap quick!

Got Socks?

Dear Husband,

No, I do not know why you never have any clean socks.

No, I'm not doing anything with them.

Neither is the washer/dryer.

I haven't hidden them on you. I'm not prancing around with them all over my body while you are at work. I'm not holding them hostage as some kind of petty revenge strategy.

And it's no fault of my laundering abilities.

Seriously, I have bought you socks about 20 times in the past six months. You should have an entire dresser completely full to the brim of socks, nothing but socks, with socks spilling out.

I have no idea where all your socks have gone to.

Maybe if you put your dirty clothes in one pile... anywhere near any other dirty clothes in this house you might have some clean socks? Just maybe?

Have you looked under the bed? In the sheets? On the other side of the bed? Under the bathroom cabinet? In the living room under the couch? Under the recliner? Next to the remote control? Under the keyboard? They must be hiding pretty good because I haven't seen them in weeks.

I guess I'll just go buy some more so you can have some clean socks for next week.

Who needs a new wardrobe when you have an old crappy one?

My tween daughter went to a Halloween party this weekend. She actually voluntarily took a shower in the afternoon to get ready for the party. She counted down the minutes until she could get ready, until we would leave, until she would get there! She was so excited about this party. She even tried to tell me that the party started at 12:30, even though I had called and talked to the mother who told me the party started at 1pm. She was probably just trying to get there on time. I need to remember to explain to her the concept of casually late ;)

Anyway, what does she decide to wear to this party that she's been counting the days down for two weeks for? The crappiest, oldest, stained up t-shirt she owns and some exercise pants. I made her go change at least her shirt. She comes down 10 minutes later in an equally crappy t-shirt. I had to have her change 3 times before I just gave up. At least the t-shirt she wore was fairly new. But still, it was just a crappy t-shirt.

I threatened to take away all of her crappy clothes. And I think I'm actually going to do it. Its a battle we've been having for a couple of years now. She was horrified at the thought of losing her crappy clothes. I buy her clothes all of the time! I buy her decent, good looking clothes. I buy her clothes that she yearns after in the store. Does she wear these clothes to school? Even the ones that she herself picks out? NO! She insists, day after day, on wearing the crappiest clothes she owns to school. And then she will wear her decent clothes on the weekend.

Last weekend we were going to take a bunch of garbage to the dump. What does she put on? Yep, one of her newest, light pink, outfits. Name-brand pretty stuff. To the garbage dump.

When we were moving six months ago, she had packed all of the stuff that was most important to her. Left in her room were tons of clothes with tags still on them.

Does she not understand anything about image? Or maybe its that she does? Maybe she wants everyone to think that she's horribly poor and her parents never buy anything for her? I know that one of her things is to guilt people into giving her things. Especially food. But could she really be that conniving? Or am I just being paranoid?

It really pains me to think that she's trying to make people think that she has it bad or something. We get her just about everything she wants within reason. She's got a room full of stuff that she just had to have and played with for about a week.

I don't know what her deal is, but I really wish she would just wear her decent clothes to school. I guess I should be glad that she doesn't have to wear name-brand stuff every day.

Scary Stuff!

Every week I plan on doing Mama Kat's writing prompt... and every week I end up just too darn busy. But this week, oh I'm still busy... busy being scared! ;)

Writing Prompt: My 10 biggest fears

1. Germs. Yep, I am a huge germ-a-phobe. Carry around germ-x and purell like you wouldn't believe. It's all I can do not to bathe in the stuff if I even think about something germy and icky. Every winter my hands get horribly chapped from all the handwashing. Just today, I bathed a shopping cart in purell because baby girl would not keep her mouth off of it! Now that is scary!
   
2. Gas Appliances. They totally freak me out. I hold my breath every time I light my burners or oven. I run past the water heater in the basement. I put off checking the LP tank as long as possible (which has led to some expensive emergency deliveries).
3. Undercooked Meat. I cook my meat until I am absolutely sure its no longer pink. And then I cook it some more. Incidentally, gravy is awesome. It helps with all the dryness from cooking the meat too long. Of course it doesn't help so much with the burnt meat.
4. Feet. I can't stand them. Except for baby feet of course. Who doesn't love baby feet? This probably goes back to the whole fear of germs thing. I don't even touch my own feet. And if I accidentally do (aside from in the shower of course), I wash my hands about five times.
5. That my husband will come home early from work one day and catch me blogging here. ;)
   
6. The Hantavirus. Probably completely irrational, but still. Every fall, when the weather turns, or in the summer when it's especially hot and dry, the mice come in. We live in a rural area, so its completely unavoidable. And it completely freaks me out that some mice carry this virus. Every winter I'm ready to abandon my house for one that doesn't get mice.
7. The fact that some stores still sell toys that are recalled. Its perfectly legal in some states (including the one I'm living in). The fact that toys with high levels of lead paint in them might still be on the shelves at my local store scares the crap out of me. Especially since both of my little ones have a habit of putting everything in their mouths.
8. Everything on the floor of my car. My car is a mess. That's what happens when you live 30 miles from the closest fast food restaurant and you can't wait to get home to eat. And you make a habit of giving the two little ones milk/juice/snacks in the car and forget to fish out the bottle/cup/leftover and/or thrown snacks when you get home.
9. Basements/Attics. I fear them both equally due to watching too many damn horror movies as a kid. I totally run up/down the stairs when leaving in case of being chased by masked serial murderer or supernatural scary being who just happens to be hiding there.
10. That I won't see two pink lines next week!!

darn, did I do this a day late? Oh well, that's par for the course of my life! ;) Better late then never. Are there any more cliches about being late?

And now for (drumroll please)...

the waiting to pee on a stick part. I wish you could really just do this immediately. I hate waiting for anything. I especially hate waiting for something you really really want. I'm all about the instant gratification. You should be able to pee on a stick right after you have sex. Then you would know for sure whether you really hit your ovulation and whether you need to keep trying for the next few days or so...

I've been using fertility/ovulation tracking software. There are some really cool ones out there. My favorite is Hormonal Forecaster. With this one you can mark the days that you have sex! As well as record any kind of info you want (ie. icky body fluid tmi stuff) And if you add previous menstrual cycles it will give you a really accurate ovulation prediction. I used this one when I was trying to get pregnant with baby girl. I learned from this software that I tend to ovulate early - from about 9 days instead of 14. You can download a trial version that you can use for like 45 days or so. You can also download a palm version and sync it up with your desktop. Pretty cool eh? I wish I would have bought it, but it only took the 45 day trial period to get pregnant with baby girl.

I used it last time I was trying to get pregnant too. I had gotten a new laptop, so I could download it fresh again. Although that time it took a little longer than the 45 day trial period - thinking ahead I wrote down the dates it said I should be ovulating... and once again it proved to be pretty accurate. Again, I didn't purchase it because I figured that it would be the last time I would need it. Little did I know...

This time I am using two different free trial versions. I downloaded Femta, which is also pretty nice. You can add all the menstrual dates you want, but you can't record the dates you have sex or any other info... but also I noticed that the more dates I entered the wider the graph got for ovulation... so it doesn't seem to be quite as accurate as Hormonal Forecaster. And it doesn't seem to have the most friendly user interface. I also downloaded the Ovulation Calendar. This one has a better user interface, but again, you can't record other information on the calendar, and it doesn't even let you go back and record previous menstrual dates... But apparently, if you purchase the regular version you should be able to conceive your choice of gender ;)

I think I read somewhere that to conceive a baby girl you should have sex before ovulation because baby girl sperm can last longer... whereas if you want a boy you should have sex closer to your ovulation date or like on you ovulation date... I don't know whether I completely buy that one.

I know, I know, I obsess much. I just thought if anyone else is out there trying to get pregnant you might want to check out one of these helpful tools :) That way you know which days you can stick with the "I'm too tired tonight" routine and which days you should save some energy for later.

In other news, remember the award from last week? Well I didn't give it to Jo-Jo because I saw that Darcie had already given it to her, well she in turn awarded me ;) funny how these things work isn't it? But it all works out ok because after I awarded it to my "followers," I realized that a couple of my consistent commenters were not on my following list, so I felt bad about leaving them out. So, go look here for the award post because I'm too damn lazy to upload the picture and copy the rules into another post. And this time I award it to: Lola from Sassy Mama Says, Aubrey from the Fam Five, MamaNeena, Jen from Coconut Belly and Kristin from Street Lights to Starry Nights.

Now I must go make a bunch of phone calls I put off all last week... I hate making phone calls. Can't I just email everyone?