The Lighter Side

Or how my boy is learning to use his adjectives!! ;)

I was going to write another heavy post today, but then decided that it's time to lighten up a little... plenty of time for heavy posts... besides, I have to prepare myself for teaching my class tonight... and would I have gone for the heavy, I would have sat here all day tweaking words and sentences and filling up this editing box and thinking way too much ;)

My little man just turned 3 a few weeks ago. Ever since he began talking, my husband and I have told ourselves and each other that we need to start watching our mouths. We both have monstrous potty mouths. I'm not proud or anything, and there's no real good excuse for it (although I have lots).

But seriously, when you have spent all day with a whiner and a fussy sick baby and the husband comes home and instead of providing a little relief: he is whinier, fussier and needier than the two little ones... the foul language flies aplenty. It's hard to censor yourself when you are on the edge. And I'm there a little more often than I'd like to admit.

When my little man went through his big-time repeating everything phase, again we kept telling ourselves that we needed to watch our language. Luckily, his repeating of our flavorful comments were limited and short-lived, while other annoying, but clean phrases were repeated for hours/weeks on end.

So here we are: he's not repeating quite as much these days. But last night at dinner?

Little man: something about the "f*ing leaves falling" "f*ing leaves falling" "f*ing leaves falling"

Us: trying really hard not to laugh - don't want to encourage him. Don't want him to think it's funny or OK to say such things.

Little man: "f*ing marshmeews are good" "f*ing marshmeews are good"

After the kids went to bed: (laughing about what he said at the dinner table) "I've never used the f word about the leaves. And I've never used the f word about his marshmallows!"
"I haven't either" He's learning how/when/where to use his adjectives! Another milestone reached!

Now we just need to give him some better adjectives to use. And try to avoid those that would be absolutely embarrassing in public!

Mama Kat's Hoover Giveaway!!

If you have not stumbled upon this yet, get your butt over there and enter to win this awesome Hoover Vacuum at Mama Kat's place! Who doesn't need a new vacuum? I know I do! Mine is seriously biting the dust! With all the pet hair and people hair that poor thing has sucked up... not to mention the mashed in goldfish, fruit snacks, etc... it just doesn't want to suck anymore :(

She's got some awesome videos *and* a seriously awesome picture of herself vacuuming ;)

And did I mention that she completely rocks for the linky love she gave me??

Thank You!

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. You guys really helped me to put things in perspective.

To be totally honest, after my first two comments from Lola and Saundra, I felt like shit. Here I am starting a new blog, trying to gain readers, and find a new community, and I come up with a post about my daughter that makes me look like a huge schmuck. I fretted about it all weekend (I do not do bloggy stuff on the weekends). I considered deleting the post. But then, the deal with this blog is all about honesty. Whether it makes me look crazy or not ;) Whether it makes me look like a schmuck or not. I don't want to censor myself here.

Lola and Saundra definitely had valid comments/suggestions. And that's what I'm looking for. But of course I felt so much better about my post when I read the additional comments. I had a great mix of ideas and suggestions and thoughts about the situation. And that's what I needed. I need all of your opinions! Whether you think I'm being crazy or you somewhat/partially/totally agree. So thank you all very much! All of your opinions meant a lot.

Sometimes I feel like such a failure at parenting. Especially with Tweenie. I feel like I really need to relax about stuff with her and try to have more patience. I used to pride myself on how much patience I had with children. Until I had some of my own! I had lots of patience for Tweenie when she first came to live with us. But then I got pregnant with little man. Somehow, pregnancy is a huge patience killer. And then little man ended up with colic. If you've had a baby with colic, you know how much patience is necessary. It was all I could do to muster up patience for him. There was no leftover patience. I feel as if I've never quite regained my patience.

Aside from that, we are just coming off/settling down from some huge stresses and transitions. And stress does very little for patience. I need to learn how to relax and relinquish some control. I've been historically awful at that. And when I'm stressed, things just bother me so much more.

You want to know the crazy thing? One of the best nights we've had as a family in the past few months was the night after I had my miscarriage. Why? Because the nurse told me that I was not supposed to do anything for two days. And I was too damn tired and emotionally drained to be in control of everything - I had to relinquish control. Tweenie stepped in and was happy to have her first diaper changing experience. I let her really help out with the two little ones. The nurturer in her came out and she did an excellent job. She was in her element. But then after I was able to do things again, she didn't want to step back. And I'm sure this is when our recent troubles started.

Anyway, after reading through all of your comments, my plan is to figure out those times when she is genuinely trying to be helpful and just let it go. Let her help. It is wonderful to have someone who is eager to help out. I should welcome the help. Especially since kids her age aren't always so willing to do such things. I shouldn't squash that. I also need to set up some boundaries and discuss them with her. Let her know when it is and isn't OK to do something without asking.

You guys rock :)

Tween Troubles

I'm having issues with my tween daughter. I absolutely love her, and she is a great kid. But she is driving me crazy! and I don't know the best way to handle it.

For some background information... she is adopted. Which, to me, does not mean that she's any less my daughter. It was a family adoption- she's our niece. Her mother had given up her parental rights without checking with any family, so we had to go through the entire adoption process, which was completely grueling, but absolutely worth it. She's been with us since she was 5. We did not know much about her living situation until after we had her living with us full time and got some paperwork/background info from the state. She had been in and out of foster homes and had spent much time with babysitters and fending for herself at home. Her past experiences had left her very independent. From the day she stepped into our lives she has struggled for control over just about everything. Fortunately, this seems to be one of the only somewhat negative behaviors she has (I say somewhat, because it's not always a negative behavior).

The first Halloween she was with us, she cried and was horribly upset because we would not hand her a knife and let her carve her own pumpkin (we let her draw the design for us to cut out).

Since day 1 we have had constant battles over her need for absolute independence. I have yet to figure out the best way to handle it.

Now she is 11. And she is constantly racing me to do things! When it's dinner time she will run around the kitchen trying to get everything we need onto the table before I get a chance to do so, or before I can tell her to stop, or before I can even ask her to do something.
She will abandon anything else that she happens to be in the middle of to do so (ie: feeding the baby). Now I certainly don't mind her helping out, but I would prefer that she be asked to do something before just racing to do it. And the big issue with her being in such a hurry is that she will end up spilling things, knocking things over, or making a big mess in the process.

Every single time that we have left her at home with a babysitter we come home to a big mess. Unfortunately the person we use to come watch the kids once in a while totally indulges her and lets her be in charge.

I do let her help me with things a lot. She loves baking, so as a special thing for her and I to do together we will make cookies or some other baking project. But honestly, it always turns into a big fiasco. She tries too hard to do things too fast, and tries to grab the next ingredient before she's even finished with the first one... I've explained to her and talked to her about taking her time and concentrating on what she's doing, but it has made no difference. I'm at a loss.

While I appreciate (and to be honest, sometimes take advantage of) her helping with the two little ones, she tends to go above and beyond some boundaries when it comes to their care. Which is to say she will do things for them and give things to them without asking (ie: getting their bottles/cups, changing diapers, giving them food/cookies-whatever it is she thinks they need, run to pick up the baby when I am sitting right there). Now, I am a big control freak, so that totally gets under my skin. And there's not really a nice way to tell her that. I have explained to her the importance of not giving the baby any food without asking first. And I realize that in all likelihood she is just trying to help. But it really makes me angry when one of the little ones has a sinky butt and she races me to the diaper/wipes stash. It makes me think that it is all about control for her. It's apparent that she wants to be in control of every aspect of her own life, and it annoys her to no end when we treat her as if she's a child (read: when we treat her as a child of her own age). But she really needs to understand that I am the parent and that I'm the one in charge.

Am I just paranoid here?

I know that things are just going to get worse from here on out, as she's not even a teenager yet. So I'm really hoping to get some kind of handle on this situation soon.

Welcome to my space!

I'm glad you stopped by for a visit. I'm not new to the mommyblogging sphere, but needed some more anonymous space with which to work. My mommyblog had been "found or discovered" by others. And it's gotten to the point where I just can't even post anything with any real substance there. And I am a writer. I live to write. I need to write. I need to share, whether I should or not. Writing is my preffered method of communication. I can write so much better than I can speak.

I started my mommyblog about a year ago, just after I had my baby girl. I was having a hard time with postpartum depression. I needed someplace to have a voice in the crowd, to gain a sense of community with other mothers out there. I live in a town with a population under 100. It's a rural area, with no close neighbors. Most weeks, I have no interaction with other adults. I have no family close. My husband does, but we see them very rarely. Once I added my baby girl to my toddler boy, it was so much more difficult to get out. And that just really wreaked havoc on my emotional state. I never really had friends much, and didn't really feel the need. But now, with my children, boy do I feel the need. When you have children there is a need for a community. You just really need to have communications with other mothers. I tried going to a playgroup, but it was too far away, and the other mothers were just not my style... and already set in their little cliques.

I really hate to start from scratch like this, but feel like I am left with no option. It is so time consuming to set up your blog, get listed in all the directories, get all your widgets and buttons and linkies and whathaveyou. But it will be so worth it to be able to post whatever I want. And it's not like I had that many readers to begin with... but of course those I had, I loved :) And it took almost a year to get them. I hope they end up finding me here.