Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Thank You!

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. You guys really helped me to put things in perspective.

To be totally honest, after my first two comments from Lola and Saundra, I felt like shit. Here I am starting a new blog, trying to gain readers, and find a new community, and I come up with a post about my daughter that makes me look like a huge schmuck. I fretted about it all weekend (I do not do bloggy stuff on the weekends). I considered deleting the post. But then, the deal with this blog is all about honesty. Whether it makes me look crazy or not ;) Whether it makes me look like a schmuck or not. I don't want to censor myself here.

Lola and Saundra definitely had valid comments/suggestions. And that's what I'm looking for. But of course I felt so much better about my post when I read the additional comments. I had a great mix of ideas and suggestions and thoughts about the situation. And that's what I needed. I need all of your opinions! Whether you think I'm being crazy or you somewhat/partially/totally agree. So thank you all very much! All of your opinions meant a lot.

Sometimes I feel like such a failure at parenting. Especially with Tweenie. I feel like I really need to relax about stuff with her and try to have more patience. I used to pride myself on how much patience I had with children. Until I had some of my own! I had lots of patience for Tweenie when she first came to live with us. But then I got pregnant with little man. Somehow, pregnancy is a huge patience killer. And then little man ended up with colic. If you've had a baby with colic, you know how much patience is necessary. It was all I could do to muster up patience for him. There was no leftover patience. I feel as if I've never quite regained my patience.

Aside from that, we are just coming off/settling down from some huge stresses and transitions. And stress does very little for patience. I need to learn how to relax and relinquish some control. I've been historically awful at that. And when I'm stressed, things just bother me so much more.

You want to know the crazy thing? One of the best nights we've had as a family in the past few months was the night after I had my miscarriage. Why? Because the nurse told me that I was not supposed to do anything for two days. And I was too damn tired and emotionally drained to be in control of everything - I had to relinquish control. Tweenie stepped in and was happy to have her first diaper changing experience. I let her really help out with the two little ones. The nurturer in her came out and she did an excellent job. She was in her element. But then after I was able to do things again, she didn't want to step back. And I'm sure this is when our recent troubles started.

Anyway, after reading through all of your comments, my plan is to figure out those times when she is genuinely trying to be helpful and just let it go. Let her help. It is wonderful to have someone who is eager to help out. I should welcome the help. Especially since kids her age aren't always so willing to do such things. I shouldn't squash that. I also need to set up some boundaries and discuss them with her. Let her know when it is and isn't OK to do something without asking.

You guys rock :)


Lola said...

Oh, no! I didn't mean to make you feel bad. That's the last thing I would want to do. I just have a real soft spot for kids who have had it tough, and I try to put myself in their shoes. I'm sorry if my comment hurt you.

Not that I've been blogging long, but I've had posts that I felt bad about and wanted to delete them because I wrote them out of stress or anger, but then I just figured that's what it's all about. Everyone has crappy days and thinks bad thoughts, so no need to worry.

LazyCrazyMama said...

No Lola! don't apologize :) I didn't feel bad because of anyone but myself. And I'm glad you made the comment you did - it helped me to put things in perspective.

Rachel said...

Ahhhh...glad we can help.

I always tell my son who is 9; look kid; no books were written to teach me to be a parent; like you I am still learning. I love you and I too will make mistakes...he loves that talk...

Your great...Love your blog and will be back again and again!

Jo-Jo said...

Hey don't feel bad. I sometimes feel bad myself because I think I am making a difference between my two and my step~son. I love them all but...and here is where I think people will begin to hate me...there is just something about wanting to raise your own kids differently. I try to see the things in my step~son as lessons on what not to do with my kids. Don't know if this makes you feel any better or not. I just wanted you to know that there is someone out their that knows what it feels like to think these things.

Saundra said...

OMG!!! I didn't mean to imply you were wrong or bad!!!

Yikes!!! Not my intent at all!

I am so sorry it came across like that!

You are a saint to take in a child!

Who the hell am I to say something like that to someone else!!! have you read about the type of mama I am?

Please take it only with love...

I am so sorry!

LazyCrazyMama said...

@Saundra: I did only take your comment with love :) I am a firm believer that everyone is essentially good :) The comments just made me realize some important things = that I could have been mistaking the situation and that she was trying to please me and help out.
I think we are all our own worst critics ;)

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