I feel awful. Today has been another one of those days. I think it's been about 4 or 5 in a row again! That's Lazy Baby for ya. 4 or 5 awful days in a row then one or two decent ones, then back to the 4 or 5 day crying jag. And the evenings are still just as bad. He'll have a decent one here and there where he'll only cry for 30-45mins and then settle, but still has to be held all evening. If I put him down he's right back to square one.
Days like today I just give up. What else can I do? Days like today, go ahead Little Man, take 4 cookies instead of eating your lunch that's been sitting there untouched for 2 hours! Just eat the cookies and quit pestering me.
I know why he keeps pestering me and I feel terrible. He acts up when the baby is having a fussy day. Every time. I can't give him any attention because the whole day is spent trying to calm Lazy Baby. Even with the baby sling these days are very challenging. There are a lot of things I still can't do with him in the sling. Like dishes and laundry. Now it's been about 5 days since any of it has been done.
This is the first break I've caught all day, and it's almost 3pm. And instead of cleaning a pan for dinner I'm sitting here completely frazzled and distressed and blogging. Well, I did manage to get a load in the wash first. And I will probably go clean a pan in the middle of this post while I still have a chance...
I just don't know what to do. I know this whole colic thing will end. I know that time is fleeting. My two toddlers will only be toddlers for so long. And I hate that I am not able to give them each as much attention as I should. I try to comfort myself by telling myself that it's just a few months... then I'll be able to dedicate more time to the other two. And in the evenings more time with Tweenie. But in the here and now it really sucks and I feel helpless and overwhelmed and guilty for not being able to be more available to Little Man and Baby Girl.
The other day I noticed that when Lazy Baby is at the height of a screaming fit, Little Man runs around like a maniac throwing things and flinging himself around like he's completely lost his mind! At first I thought it was funny. Then I realized how sad it was. And I felt even more awful! And I've been watching him these past few days and every single time he acts up in similar ways.
Anyway, days like this I really wish I had someone I could call to come over. Several times today I was at the end of my rope. I just had to give up and quit yelling at the two toddlers and just let them do whatever they were doing because I just couldn't deal with it. Baby Girl keeps climbing the gate and getting the baby wipes and wiping everything in the living room. She also keeps messing around at the window. And the worst thing is that now she's climbing the toy cube shelf! She's quick and quiet and sneaky! Today when she got up there she turned the heat all the way up (unfortunately the thermostat is within reach). A half an hour later I was sweating my butt off and thought I'd better check - sure enough! Last time she had turned it all the way down!
And I did let Little Man sit at the lunch table for 2 hours today. That was how long it took me to eat my lunch! The only saving grace today was that Baby Girl went down for her nap right after her lunch without any hassle. Thank God!! Because I really would have lost it.
I just don't know how some mothers keep their sanity, because I'm walking a really fine line these days.
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