Thursday, October 8, 2009

At a Loss

I feel awful. Today has been another one of those days. I think it's been about 4 or 5 in a row again! That's Lazy Baby for ya. 4 or 5 awful days in a row then one or two decent ones, then back to the 4 or 5 day crying jag. And the evenings are still just as bad. He'll have a decent one here and there where he'll only cry for 30-45mins and then settle, but still has to be held all evening. If I put him down he's right back to square one.

Days like today I just give up. What else can I do? Days like today, go ahead Little Man, take 4 cookies instead of eating your lunch that's been sitting there untouched for 2 hours! Just eat the cookies and quit pestering me.

I know why he keeps pestering me and I feel terrible. He acts up when the baby is having a fussy day. Every time. I can't give him any attention because the whole day is spent trying to calm Lazy Baby. Even with the baby sling these days are very challenging. There are a lot of things I still can't do with him in the sling. Like dishes and laundry. Now it's been about 5 days since any of it has been done.

This is the first break I've caught all day, and it's almost 3pm. And instead of cleaning a pan for dinner I'm sitting here completely frazzled and distressed and blogging. Well, I did manage to get a load in the wash first. And I will probably go clean a pan in the middle of this post while I still have a chance...

I just don't know what to do. I know this whole colic thing will end. I know that time is fleeting. My two toddlers will only be toddlers for so long. And I hate that I am not able to give them each as much attention as I should. I try to comfort myself by telling myself that it's just a few months... then I'll be able to dedicate more time to the other two. And in the evenings more time with Tweenie. But in the here and now it really sucks and I feel helpless and overwhelmed and guilty for not being able to be more available to Little Man and Baby Girl.

The other day I noticed that when Lazy Baby is at the height of a screaming fit, Little Man runs around like a maniac throwing things and flinging himself around like he's completely lost his mind! At first I thought it was funny. Then I realized how sad it was. And I felt even more awful! And I've been watching him these past few days and every single time he acts up in similar ways.

Anyway, days like this I really wish I had someone I could call to come over. Several times today I was at the end of my rope. I just had to give up and quit yelling at the two toddlers and just let them do whatever they were doing because I just couldn't deal with it. Baby Girl keeps climbing the gate and getting the baby wipes and wiping everything in the living room. She also keeps messing around at the window. And the worst thing is that now she's climbing the toy cube shelf! She's quick and quiet and sneaky! Today when she got up there she turned the heat all the way up (unfortunately the thermostat is within reach). A half an hour later I was sweating my butt off and thought I'd better check - sure enough! Last time she had turned it all the way down!

And I did let Little Man sit at the lunch table for 2 hours today. That was how long it took me to eat my lunch! The only saving grace today was that Baby Girl went down for her nap right after her lunch without any hassle. Thank God!! Because I really would have lost it.

I just don't know how some mothers keep their sanity, because I'm walking a really fine line these days.


April said...

Being a mom is hard. You just do what you got to do to try and hold it together, even if that means the others eat cookies for lunch. I pray it gets better for you soon!

Merrie said...

Thoughts going out to you -- I don't know what to suggest! Never had a colicy baby, but I have heard how very hard it is. Hopefully you can focus on the kids as needed and not worry about the little stuff, although I know how that "little stuff" piles up!
Take care of you, too!

Trudy said...

It's been a very long time since I've had babies. I'm so sorry you're having these problems, and can only ntyr to tell you to hang in there. They grow so fast, but it doesn't seem like at the time. God bless you!! I so wish you had some help!

Anonymous said...

This too shall pass....

Becky said...

When this colic is over, we are going to have a party!!!

(then you can catch up on everything else too...kay?)

Krimmyk said...

THe fact you can handle more then one kid in and of itself makes me in awe of you! With little dude, it wasn't colic but the constant need for attention. The constant contact. In the throws of my depression I finally had to do the unthinkable. I let him cry, doctors orders even. He was fed, burped, cleaned and I put him in his baby prison (playpen) or his crib put on music softly either classical stuff or his fav still to this day Collective Soul and gave myself 30 minutes in the other side of the house of away from screaming, leach/kid time. I could tell if he was in distress by his cry. Hang in there, I know you know it, it will pass. Just stay sane as you can in the meantime. Hugs!

This Mama Rocks said...

Stopping by from sits to say hello. I hope you are having a better day. Sorry to hear you were having a rough one. Days can be hard! I hope you have a good weekend. Come stop by my blog sometime.

thatgirlblogs said...

My first two were 20 months apart - many days like that. I hated doing it, but it worked: take them outside. A lot. Fresh air wears them out, and I have NO idea why. Toss her in the carrier, let him run and run on some grass, let him look at leaves (work on your "mm hmm...") take the lunch with you -- picnic. He can't eat cookies if they're not there.

I know having the house clean seems important but you can't do it all. You have to "do" this/them right now. Hubs will have to take a spin at the laundry or dishes.

It's a long year or two. Now they're in middle school. Life will roll along, I promise.


Helene said...

Oh, what I wouldn't give for us to be neighbors!! Could you imagine? On days like this, we could get our kids together to keep themselves entertained while you and I could take turns holding Lazy Baby, while sipping warm tea to calm our nerves.

I've so been there...when you feel like you're just gonna crumble into a million pieces. I've had moments where I've actually had to run upstairs, lock myself in my bedroom and scream at the top of my lungs to get it out of my system.

I went through the same thing when Garrett and Landon were very young babies...when they would get fussy in the evenings, Cole and Bella would run around like the Tazmanian devil on crack. It was all I could do to not walk out the front door and fling myself into oncoming traffic.

I do think the noise level has a lot to do with it....and then of course your attention is being spent on the little one so the other two have complete freedom to do what they want. Sometimes what helped was getting Cole and Bella involved in an activity right before the witching hour began, which was normally around 4:00 every day. I'd get them set up with crayons and paper and let them go to town while I tended to the little twins. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not but I was desperate to try anything.

For the colic, have you tried Hyland's Colic tablets? I've used those and I also used their teething tablets. The colic tablets seem to soothe's homeopathic so it has a calming effect on them. Also, have you looked into trying gripe water? I used that with Bella and it seemed to help.

Hang in there....remember, this too shall pass.

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