Goodbye 2008!

I won't really miss you ;)

No, I won't be that negative. It wasn't all bad. But we did have one rough year in 2008. I'm just glad its over and looking to a fresh start in 2009!

Its quarter till midnight and I'm trying really hard to stay awake. Tweenie is reading book 2 of the Twilight series. We got her the first one for Christmas and she totally devoured it in a day and a half! I'm just thrilled to see her so interested in reading. We went out today and got her the next two books, and she's 3/4 of the way through #2. I'm totally going to have to read them when she's done.

Anyway, that's what we're doing right now. Everyone else is sleeping. It wasn't our traditional New Year's Eve around here. My husband has been sick and its not really been a fun holiday break. Without getting too specific, I just really wish he would go in to the Dr! It could be/get serious. Or it could be nothing to worry about, but I wish he would just go in and find out for sure!! Men are serious babies when it comes to going to the Dr! And I don't know how much to push. We've fought about it several times now and I'm not getting anywhere. If he starts getting worse I'm just going to totally insist that he goes.

Ten minutes left till midnight.

I'm not going to harp on all the negatives of 2008 like I thought I might. I'm just going to try to get past it all and look forward to all we have to look forward to in 2009! :) Of course the best thing being that we will be having a new baby in June! I feel so blessed. And so very fortunate. My worry is under control. Everything is looking good and I'm sooo glad and relieved. Of course I won't be totally worry free and relieved until I deliver a healthy baby. And then I'll have new worries ;) A mother's worrying is never done.

Five minutes left... I better go make some bubbly juice for me and tweenie.

Happy New Year everyone!!

PS: Sorry for being such a bad blog buddy as of late :( I won't be able to sneak any blog visiting in until next week :( I can't wait to catch up with everyone and see how all your holidays went!!

From the North Pole

It's freezing here. No, really it is. Way below freezing. This morning the temp was -25. And that's without the wind chill. It finally warmed up to -10. Feels like a sauna ;)

We got hit with a big snow storm this weekend. Not too bad, maybe 5 or so inches (I may be exaggerating, as I don't remember seeing any numbers). Schools were delayed on Monday. And today with the amazingly cold temps? No delay. I'm sorry, but there are tons of kids around here who have to wait outside for the bus.

And of course my daughter just doesn't realize how freaking cold it is out there. She puts on a scarf, but does not wrap it around her face. Of course she has her coat on, but its not buttoned all the way up... It seems like everyday we are having to explain frostbite to her. This morning, as we had her wait inside for the bus, my husband wrapped her scarf around her face and tied it in the back ;)

I watch her skip off the bus, no hat, no gloves, no scarf and coat completely unbuttoned... "Do you know how cold it is out there?"

And she just gives me that stupid look like I am the most restrictive and lame parent in the world.

Ugh.

Anyway, that's my ramble for today.

And anyone interested in a super sweet giveaway, I'm hosting one on my other blog here. Just do not say that you came from here!

And Christmas gift progress? Finished the last niece hat and 2 nephew hats! Only 4 more to go!

Why Must I Confuse? ;)

Just to clarify a few things and give y'all some more info (as I wrote my last post in about 5 minutes while I let the car warm up to go pick the Mr. up from work) :)

I am currently teaching part time - 1 class at the local community college. I am teaching a business communications type of course, but I am an English person (for whatever reason they like to use English people to teach this course). I will be teaching a composition course next semester. My ideal job would be a full time instructor in English/writing/literature at a community college (this is the only level I am qualified to teach). Of which there is all of 1 within driving distance. There is one about an hour and a half away, but that's just too far - especially during the winter months. Anyway, this community college is very small and its very unlikely that they will be hiring another full time English person... so the job I've been waiting for is an English tutoring job (when I first started teaching this semester the dean told me this person may be leaving). Which I would still be able to teach at least one course a semester, but have a full time position in an academic/education field.

So anyway, its not that I'm in a big hurry to get back to work or anything... I do enjoy being a stay at home mommy. And especially with a new one on the way -due this summer, and have no desire to take a 6 week old to daycare... if this tutoring job had come open it would probably have been one of the only opportunities to come around for a long time. For this reason, I do miss living in a city that had at least 3 community colleges within driving distance...

And really, if I had it to do all over again, I would have made much different choices in my degrees... I would have done either my BA or MA in Secondary English Education and got certification to teach High School or Jr High... That way I could widen my opportunities for teaching. But as it is now, I would essentially have to do another MA degree to be able to teach HS or JrH. So I have one option for teaching. I have considered doing online schooling for a PhD, that way I could teach at the college level, but then again, there are no 4 year colleges within driving distance... so it would almost be pointless.

Honestly, I never imagined myself a stay at home mom. I always planned on working. But then when I had my son, I just wanted to stay home with him. I just couldn't imagine sending him to daycare. He was very needy, and colicky. My husband could barely handle him when I would go to the store or anywhere by myself. I would never in a million years have taken him to an in-home daycare. I just wouldn't have trusted that kind of situation with him. I knew how frustrated I got with him and how much the crying and screaming (from colic) wore on me. But back then my husband had a fellowship from the college he was attending, which would be running out at the end of that year. So one of us had to get a full time job asap.

I ended up getting one first. I got an administrative job at the college that my husband was attending. He had already passed his comps, so he only had a seminar class to attend that was in the evenings. He was also working on his dissertation. He was watching the boy while I worked. Day one he called and said he couldn't handle it and I needed to find a daycare.

It was a very stressful time. And the hubby got the boy on a routine which helped out a little. But he still was having issues and really did not want to be the stay at home parent. I wasn't making a whole lot, so daycare was kind of out of the question. Plus, the only place in town didn't have any part time openings...

Long story short, hubby began his job search asap ;) and ended up finding a full time job up in Northern Wisconsin, where his family is from. And luckily it was making just enough so that I could stay at home. (really the job I had wouldn't have cut it once his fellowship ran out). It was a good thing that he was making enough because the jobs around here are few and far between, even in the service industry. So I've been a stay at home mom ever since. He is now working a different job and makes about $8000 less than he did before. But is a more fulfilling job (and less stressful) and one that he actually went to school for.

But we are totally living paycheck to paycheck. And if it wasn't for my part time teaching income we probably wouldn't be making it. It would be nice to actually have some extra money once in a while. It would be nice to get a full time teaching or tutoring job for that reason. But in reality, the house would be even more neglected, and I just really would rather not send my kids to daycare. I don't want to miss any of their milestones. Anyway, as the job will not be open, I guess the decision has been taken out of my hands anyway. I am glad in a way, but I am also pretty bummed. I can just hope that within a couple of years they will decide to hire another English teacher :)

Good News Bad New Edition

So the good news is that hubby gets a x-mas bonus! Yippee!! :) We weren't expecting it, so its awesome. Its not a lot, but better than the 0 we were expecting!

The bad news is that all semester I've been waiting for this lady to leave her job because I want it! She finally announced that she was leaving a couple of weeks ago and I had been anxiously checking the website daily for the job posting. Hubby found out today that they decided to do away with her position. I'm seriously bummed. While I really love being a stay at home mommy, I plan on going back to work someday. There are seriously limited jobs in my field around here. We talked about it and decided that I should go ahead and apply for it because who knows when another job like that would come up. It was all for naught. I'm so disappointed. Oh well, I guess I wasn't meant to go back to work yet. So I guess I will have enough time for bloggy stuff ;)

Still madly crocheting ;) almost done with that last girl hat - got sidetracked with laundry yesterday, so didn't work on it as much as I'd hoped. And I forgot I have one more niece hat to do - oops. So 7 total left. At least the boy hats will be really quick and easy... ugh.. ;) next year I will be starting so much earlier!

Right Around the Corner

I can't believe how quickly Christmas is closing in on me! In a week and a couple of days we will be making the 4 hour trek once again to pick up my step-daughter for xmas! Time is going by unbelievably fast! And I haven't even started my xmas shopping yet! I think the hubby and I are going to go out on Monday as he has Monday's off. And who wants to go shopping on the weekends so close to xmas?? You couldn't drag me.

The worst thing is that I'm very behind on my xmas crocheting! I usually start in October and still am madly crocheting up till the last minute... but most of the time that's additional gifts that I decide to make... This year I am making hats for all the neices and nephews (we have 20!!). I have one girl hat left to make, and I've only made one boy hat (6 more to go!). Then of course there are 3 additional hats I wanted to make for various other people... but that may not get done this year.

All this is to say that if I'm not around, just know that I'm sitting around crocheting my butt off! ;) Or playing catchup with the dishes and laundry... I'm just finally finishing Sunday's laundry today! At least this Sunday there won't be as many loads! ;)

And also, next week is finals week for the college I'm teaching at. So next week I will probably be grading makeup work like a madwoman! I need to enforce my late work policy! ;) I was slammed with makeup work at mid-terms, and I know I will be slammed again with makeup work on Monday! I'm too much of a pushover. But I really like all my students, and want to see them succeed.

A Christmas Present!!

For me!! My husband actually bought me a Christmas present this year and I am completely dying to know what it is!! He told me the other day that he would need some money on Friday to pay for it!

He hasn't bought me a gift since our first Christmas together. He just will not go anywhere alone, so usually we go out together to get my birthday and x-mas gifts... I usually just pick them out. I think there was one other time when he and the two older girls ran into Target and bought me a CD for my birthday. Of course I think its all pretty lame. I wish he could just go out and pick something out by himself. He says that I wouldn't like whatever he would pick out. He says I'm hard to buy for. But of course to me its the thought that counts. And if he doesn't bother, then its just a cop-out. Lazy :)

Anyway, so I am totally psyched to see what he got for me! He keeps asking if I want to know, and of course I do! But so far he's not telling me. I think he will probably cave before Christmas. I will have to think of something especially thoughtful for him this year now :) And of course I'm pretty much drawing a blank.

Losing My Cool

I hate to admit it, but today I have gone beyond losing my cool.

I spent the whole morning trying to figure out why I keep getting a connection interruption error message while trying to upload photos to blogger or to facebook (and I suspect it would happen on any site at this point).

I finally broke down and fired up the desktop to see if I would have luck there. Nope. Same damn error message. But the thing about using the desktop is that its in the office. Which is right off the living room, but of course I can't keep the kids out while I'm in there. I can't close the door because then I couldn't keep an eye on them. So of course the whole time I'm messing around in there trying to look up info on the problem etc... they are getting into everything. And within 10 minutes little man freaking unplugged the whole thing. Of course then I decided that I just need to put the baby in the playpen and close the door... open it 2 minutes later and little man has demolished a VHS tape... and I cannot get him to stay away from the Christmas tree or the TV... and by that time my laptop was just completely failing to connect to the internet at all. And I was over the edge with frustration.

The really messed up thing is that I told my husband about my photo upload problem a couple of weeks ago. He ran a virus scan and it came up with nothing. So he just said that it was something with my computer and that was it. I know for damn sure that if it was a problem he was having it would have been fixed day one. He would have spent the entire day (uninterrupted) finding the solution for it. But since it had something to do with my blogging, it falls well below his realm of helping. And that really ticks me off. He absolutely hates the fact that I blog. It has to be a jealousy issue or something. Somehow I think that if I had any real life friends he'd have an issue with that too. It just makes me mad (and a little sad) that he can't be supportive of anything I do apart from him.

Anyway, little man has been especially difficult and out of sorts for the past couple of weeks. So everyday my patience has been worked to the bone. I just don't know how to get him to listen and understand. I think he must be acting up for attention. But when I stop and give him some attention it doesn't seem to help. I think he is out of sorts because we have been without our car for a little over 2 weeks now. The kid hates change. And he is acting out a lot like he did when we moved last March. He no longer wants to watch any of his favorite movies, he whines and cries until I take them out. He's been downright obnoxious at the kitchen table for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He has been totally refusing to take naps. And I've had no sanity breaks. So I feel like a complete and total failure at this whole parenting thing - It seems like I've been yelling at him nonstop.

And I totally lost my cool with tweenie last night. I think I'm going to apologize to her when she gets home from school. We were watching a movie and it wasn't going to get over until 10pm. There have been times that we've let her stay up past her bedtime (9pm) to watch a movie, but that's usually only when its a new movie... the one we were watching last night we'd seen a million times. I told her she had to go to bed at 9 - she asked if she could just stay up until 9:10 or 9:15 and I said no. And of course she didn't leave it at that she kept trying to negotiate and argue until finally I lost it and really yelled at her. I felt horrible. But I still made her go to bed at 9. I almost sent her to bed right then (it was maybe quarter till 9) because I saw her say something after I yelled at her and I assumed she was talking back - she said that she had just said she was sorry - which she probably did. It was overkill, I shouldn't have lost my cool and yelled at her like that. But I was completely exhausted, ready for bed myself and was feeling like I was going to barf, and already had my patience run into the ground with the two little ones not wanting to go to sleep.

So anyway, my husband and I had a nice little arguement about that this morning. He said (which I know is true) that I need to work on my relationship with tweenie right now because it will only get worse. She will end up hating me and yelling back at me and maybe getting physical, and she will realize at some point that she doesn't have to listen to me. I just don't know how to start. Its not that we really have a bad relationship - I just end up yelling at her a lot - and mainly because she already doesn't listen to me and at times acts disrespectful. There have been times where I have relaxed with her and what ends up happening is that she takes advantage of it - she starts acting like we're friends and thinking that she can get away with stuff. I need to find a good balance there and I just haven't been able to find it. I know that the whole friend/parent thing does not work. But neither does the opposite end of that spectrum. My husband said that I should give her more responsibilities around the house. But she can barely handle the responsibilties that she already has.

She asks if she can vacuum. I let her vacuum. I ask her to vacuum. She doesn't want to and gives me attitude about it.

She begs to be allowed to change a diaper. I finally let her. She tries to take control of all the diaper changing. A week later says she doesn't want to change anymore diapers...

Sometimes I feel like things would be much better between us if we had adopted her when she was a baby. I feel that she was already kind of programmed in a certain way, and while some things have changed for her, there are others that will never change. She still has eating/food issues that will probably never go away. And she has independence and control issues that really sometimes get in the way of our relationship. One of the things that drives me nuts is that she still has some very infantile behaviors, but yet wants adult responsibilities. She can barely take care of herself, but wants to take care of everybody else.

Today, I am just at a loss all around. I think I'm just going to try to relax. Try letting her do a few more things around the house - like maybe help setting the table, helping load the dishwasher... and see how that goes.

I suppose there's a line there somewhere between a parent and a "peerent" I just need to start looking for it and hopefully I will find it.

And the Holidays Have Officially Begun

Thanksgiving is finally over :) and I've almost got all the dishes done! ;) I think last year the roaster sat on the counter for at least a week before I got to it. I got it done already this year! A miracle. I won't even tell you how long it sat after the Easter ham. I just hate things that are huge like that and don't fit in the dishwasher. I hate washing them by hand because my kitchen turns into a bath area...

Anyway, our Thanksgiving turned out really nice! The girls actually did surprisingly well! There were no major upsets! There was of course the minor bickering, but it was amazingly at a minimum this year. I could just hear them slapping each other every time there were no adults in the room with them. Oh well. I was so pleasantly surprised. And actually sad to see my step-daughter leave. Well, regardless of how stressful her visits are, its always sad to see her leave. But at least she decided to spend Christmas with us again this year. So we will see her again in a few weeks.

We ended up having company for thanksgiving, which was also a nice surprise. We had invited our extended family that lives around here (2 BILs and 1 SIL) and they all were going to have turkey at their own houses this year. I was a little sad that it was just going to be us. But on the other hand, we had never had a Thanksgiving with just our own little family. At the last minute one of my BILs came with his wife and her daughter and two sons. At first I was a little nervous that we may not have enough food, but we had plenty. We even had some of everything leftover. Still too much turkey ;) That happens every year though!

All day, the smell of the turkey was making me want to barf. But of course by the time it came to eat I absolutely made a pig of myself ;) And we all kept going back and getting some more leftovers all night... Then of course it was Turkey stuff all day Friday and Saturday! So we are more than a little turkeyed out around here!

My favorite was the pie! ;) We made homemade blueberry and apple pies and then two frozen pumpkin pies. We had pie for breakfast on Saturday as we have made a tradition of. And I think as of today we still have 3 pieces of pie left. Not for long.

Anyway, just popping in... my two little ones are absolutely refusing naps today. So its been a long one.

Go Vote for Me

OK, so I wasted most of my day entering contests to try to win stuff so this Christmas won't be so lame :)
While I totally hate to give away some anonymity here, I really want you all to go vote for me here to win a wii!! My name will be at the top. Yes, it will be my name as well as the name of my other blog... which I will mention neither here because of my internet sleuth of a husband. So please, if you happen to visit my other blog, never never mention this one or it will totally be the end of it. and probably my marriage too ;) well, not that I've said anything that bad here, but I'm sure he wouldn't talk to me for weeks if he found this blog.
Anyway, go vote for me!

Off and Away

First off let me just say that with the Holiday coming up and all I will be sadly unable to stalk around here until next Tuesday! (gasp!) I hate not being able to post here and visit my bloggy friends from this blog on a daily basis. It sucks. But that is the price I have to pay for anonymity. The really sucky thing is that my husband will have like 2 weeks off around Christmas!! So maybe I will have to schedule some posts or something, 'cause like 2 weeks is forever!! You will all forget about me ;)

For the first time in forever, it will be just our little family for Thanksgiving! While I admit its a little sad, I am actually looking forward to a less pressured Thanksgiving. The past 2 years we have hosted Thanksgiving at our house and my husband's brother and sister's family have come. But both of them have purchased a house this year and want to spend their Thanksgiving in their own homes... The years prior we had spent Thanksgiving (and every other holiday for that matter) going from his family to mine. I really don't miss that. It sucks to have to go to two of everything - especially when you are big crumudgins like us and don't like to go anywhere anyway ;)

And the reason why I won't be around tomorrow? We are making the 4 hour drive to meet my step-daughter halfway so that she can spend Thanksgiving with us. Its been months since we've been able to see her, so I am really anxious to get to spend some time with her. She is a lovely child. On her own that is. She is beautiful and intelligent and wonderfly quirky. But she also has a mad jealous and mean streak. Her and our adopted daughter (who is really our niece) do not get along at all. I think it all boils down to jealousy issues. But regardless, it really sucks. The times when my step-daughter is visiting are really stressful. They argue over absolutely everything. The stupidest most ridiculious things will cause them the biggest problems. I've tried all sorts of things and nothing seems to work. So in that way I'm just not really looking forward to it. And I really hate to say that. Every time I think maybe this time will be different and I always give it a good chance, but it always remains the same. I feel bad for both of them. But I especially feel bad for our adopted daughter. She seems to get the brunt of it. While I do know that she can certainly goad the step daughter on, she doesn't deserve what usually comes her way. They are both about the same age, the step daughter is almost a year older. And here's the thing, she is just downright mean. She still has some infantile behaviours, when she doesn't get her way she acts out physically - she will hit, kick, push etc... And I know that really it is because of her mother and a complete and total lack of discipline at home.

Anyway, so it is bound to be a fun extra long weekend.

The other sucky thing? We can't all make the road trip together, and I really hope we don't have to go anywhere while the step-daughter is here because the car will not fit us all. I wrecked our car with the first snowfall and it is still in the shop. Luckily we have a loaner, as that was our only vehicle. And the super-duper sucky thing? We had just switched insurance companies for a cheaper one and to make the insurance even more affordable (since we totally live on next to nothing) I decided to go with the $1000.00 deductible. How lovely is that? I am just really hoping that the guy who is fixing it can do it for much less than the quote (and I'm totally worried about that because I haven't been able to get a hold of him and he's not returning my calls!). Otherwise we will be completely screwed. We were already going to be screwed for Christmas. I have a couple of gift cards that I got for my birthday last month that I saved for x-mas, but that's probably going to be it. So I've been busy today entering every contest I can find ;)

Man, I'm such a downer today. Oh well, I'm still pretty happy for the most part. We'll see how I feel on Sunday after the long holiday weekend. Actually, I just realized that I can probably do some blog stuff here on Sunday as my hubby will be taking the two older girls to meet the step-daughter's mom on Sunday.

Until then, I hope everyone has a good and happy Thanksgiving!!

I've been tagged! :)

Hula at My Secret Blog tagged me with this last week. Sorry that I am just now getting around to it!

1. What is your funniest childhood story? too many to count! ;) OK, the best and most repeated one by my family - much to my horror! - was the one about how I started my period in the middle of the night on a family camping trip. When I stood up in the morning and leaked onto the blue floor of the tent, my little brother (who was maybe 5 at the time) shouted that I was leaking oil!

2. What would your dream dress look like if you could design it? I have no idea. Its been forever since I've had the occasion to wear a dress.

3. What weird habit does your hubby have? Oh don't get me started on that one! Lets just say that everything he does in the shower is weird. And gross.

4. How many cookbooks are in your kitchen? No less than 5. But do I use them? Usually only around the holidays.

5. Granny panties or loyal Victoria's Secret girl? I have to admit that I love Victoria's Secret stuff! Of course its been since I was single that I bought any.

6. My favorite memory from 2008 so far is... moving back to our wonderful home after living in another state for 5 awful and horrendous months!

7. I secretly... wish I were a good homemaker. wish I had the motivation and energy to keep my house clean and keep on top of everything.

8. I could really go for... some kick ass Mexican food! Or at least some partially good fast food like Taco Bell or Taco John's! (which we would have to drive an hour for)

9. We are going to have a big snow storm and you will find me... cuddled up on the couch watching movies with the family all day!

10. I knew he was the one... which one? LOL! I knew I loved my husband when he told me that no woman would ever stand between him and his daughter. I knew that he would be a wonderful and loyal father.

Phew. That was a tough one! Now I must tag 3 people.
I tag:
Kelly from Carty Party of Three
Melissa from Life With 3 Boys & a Little Lady
Gwen from Confessions of a Control Freak

Toddler OCD at its Finest

This week for Mama Kat's Writing Prompt, I chose #4) Write about something that bothered you this week.

While I hate to dwell in the negative... in some ways that is what this blog is for. A place where I can vent about whatever I want. And I so hate to imply that my kids bother me in any way - but to be real - there are some days and some weeks when their behaviours are quite bothersome.

This week, my 3 year old little man has just about gone off the deep end with his demands and specifics.

He is specific about *everything*

Everytime we come home he absolutely MUST walk through the rocks to the back door. If he is unable to walk through the rocks there is a huge fit and hysterics until he is taken back outside and let to walk through the rocks to the back door. Everytime we leave the house he absolutely MUST spin the lock at least twice.

As I was starting this post, there was a huge meltdown because I, while putting some goldfish in a bowl for him (his lightning mcqueen bowl of course), spilled a couple of goldfish on the table. I picked them up and put them in the bowl. However, I overlooked two little goldfish crumbs that had also spilled out. "Put them back in the bowl mommy, put them back in the bowl!" I picked up the minuscule crumbs and put them in the bowl.

Today has been one of the worst days. Everything has had to be just so. His pears (which were really apples, but if he eats them, who cares what he calls them) had to be on his plate in a certain way. He had to have a plate, not a bowl, for his cereal this morning. He whined all day to watch a movie that I could not understand and that he could not point to. Nothing else would do. Everything else I tried to put in was met with "turn it off mommy, turn it off. turn it off mommy, turn it off" until I turned off the offensive movie.

He is out of sorts today because we ran out of the blue gatorade. The red will just not do. Not at all. Neither will Sunny D or milk or juice. Nothing but the blue gatorade will he drink.

He was out of sorts yesterday because we could not find his lightning mcqueen shoes. He screamed and cried both times we had to leave the house and would not put on the Thomas the Train shoes. It had to be the lightning mcqueen shoes, but lightning mcqueen was no where to be found. I found out where he hid them last night - too late to save the drama.

Huge meltdown last night at bedtime because I kissed him. Just before I kissed him he put his hands up to cover his lips and I (unknowingly as it was dark) managed to kiss his hands. So when his wails of "wipe it off mom wipe it off! wipe that kiss off" resulted in my wiping his cheeks instead of his hands.... lets just say I finally wiped the kiss of both of his hands.

Everynight before bed, all of his toys have to be put away. If he spies a toy amiss on his way to bed he insists that I put his toy into the toybox. If there happens to be a toy in the bedroom: "take it mom, take it" and it must go to the toybox.

It seems like all of a sudden over the past couple of weeks, things that are out of place are a complete and total disruption for him. And it is a complete and total meltdown until things are put back in their place properly.

Please tell me this is just a phase.

More sickness, and tiredness and busy-ness

This has been another one of those weeks from hell. Baby girl has been sick for the past few days. Her nose has been in a constant state of faucetness. It just keeps pouring and pouring out! Her poor nose is red, as well as her cheeks and the tops of her hands, as if I do not catch the snot quick enough (and by quick enough I mean within a second of her sneezing snot out) she is rubbing it with both hands all over her cheeks! She is so miserable! You can just tell by looking at her that she does not feel well at all.

And she hasn't been sleeping well for the past couple of nights. Which means no one else has been sleeping well. Except of course little man, who can sleep through just about anything - including baby girl screaming in his ear in the middle of the night. The only way I can get her back to sleep and to stay asleep for longer than an hour is to get up and go sit in the rocking chair and rock her to sleep. So, I've spent two nights sleeping in the rocking chair with her. And boy are we all tired!

She seems to be feeling a little better today, she's actually been playing and she ate really well. So hopefully tonight we will be able to get some good sleep!

This morning my husband was going to call in sick to work. And for the first time I was actually glad. But then of course he decided to go in - so I was a little disappointed. And it figures. Any other time I would encourage him to go to work and he would stay home ;) He must've known that I would have put him to work if he would've stayed home!

I haven't been able to get anything done around the house... I've just spent the past few days holding my sick baby girl :( Nothing makes you feel worse than having your baby sick and not being able to do anything about it.

I'm thinking tonight we will just have to drive the 35 miles and get some McDonald's for dinner. I have nothing quick at home and no dishes done to make anything with or eat anything with. And I'm just too tired to do anything today. Horrible.

In better news, we took the trip to my ultrasound appointment yesterday and everything is looking good! The baby has a heartbeat in the 150s and we got to see that little peanut of a baby! :) Its so damn exciting!! I just love seeing those images on the ultrasound. Its so reassuring.

Sick and tired... and busy!

I really wanted to post something today. But my mind is drawing such a blank. Ever been so tired your brain just doesn't want to function? I so hate that. I think that's what "pregnant brain" is all about. Its not about your brain misfiring and getting stupid for no reason (or because of hormones or something) - its because you are so damn tired that you can't think straight! And the nausea. I feel like telling everyone "could you please just not talk to me while I'm concentrating on not throwing up!" ;)

And by the way, you all had great ideas for things to munch on that may help with the nausea! Thank you all sooo much. Of course I won't be trying any of the medication suggestions - I am a total freak about medication. I just don't like taking any. I will only take a tylenol if my head is on the brink of a major explosion. Now that I think about it, I have been popping tums a few times a day - but that hardly counts right? And of course I take my prenatal vitamins everyday (have been almost consistently since 2005 since I've been either pregnant, nursing or trying to get pregnant).

Anyway, my house has been sorely neglected lately. Between doing double bloggy duty, double diaper duty (I will get the little man potty trained someday! Hopefully before this baby comes), and having to go to the store and dr's appointments etc... Days like this: where my counter is overwhelmed with dishes and my dirty clothes hamper is spilling out all over the bathroom floor and I've had clothes soaking for a few days that really need to get washed, and my carpet is starting to get hairy, and my kitchen floor is starting to look a different color... Oh I really wish we could afford a housekeeper. Do I love to dream or what? We are so far away from ever being able to afford that luxury. But if we had the money I would so do it in a heartbeat.

A while ago, on the community notice board at the gas station, I saw a advertisement for 2 girls looking for work - they would come help you clean or do yardwork or whatever you needed help with for a mere $8 an hour! I'm sure it was teenagers who have no idea how valuable such work would be ;) I wrote down the number... but never called it. I just need to get off my lazy ass and do the work. It would be so much easier if I could just keep it up and keep it under control. But of course that is so much easier to say than to do. And one of the things that prevents that from happening? My husband. He thinks that I should be able to do everything during the day while he is gone. He has no tolerance for me doing the dishes and such in the evenings. Which to me is completely ridiculious! It would be the best time for me to get those things done, when I have 2 other people around who can help keep an eye on the two little ones. But just try to reason with insanity... ;)

Especially since my two little ones are still at the ages where they need constant supervision. Its hard enough to leave the room to go to the bathroom... let alone do the dishes or laundry. I should just do all the housework while they are napping, but that's when I get all selfish. Naptime is my time. That's when I get to shower and do bloggy stuff and other stuff for myself uninterrupted. I so hate to give up any of that time for dishes and other awful household chores ;)

I suppose that's enough brain melt for today ;) Now I'm off to do those horrid dishes so I have a pot for dinner! And some forks to eat it with... :(

Snow Haiku and more ;)

Its hard to believe I haven't been back here since last week at this time :( I've had a busy time of it lately and life has been getting in the way of blogging ;)
Anyway, I'm back this week again for Mama Kat's Writing Prompt!
I chose prompt 1.) Write a haiku about what you see out the window. (if you don't know what a haiku is click here.)

Snow out the window
though its not quite time for it
wait another month!

I used to work for a place that conducted telephone surveys. I spent the time between calls coming up with telephone survey haikus ;) I wish I could remember some of them because they were pretty funny. But I probably lost them about 5 moves ago.

Anyway, I've been busy over the past week with Dr's appointments and having to run to town for this or that... Anytime I have to run to town for anything that just kills my entire day. We live about 40 minutes away from anything and everything having to do with civilization. Which makes it super sucky when you forget something at the store! :)

I had my first prenatal appointment on Tuesday! We scheduled an early ultrasound, so I will hopefully have some reassurance next week! Other than that, you know how those first appointments are, nothing but what not to eat and take for medication and other such information. Too early for all the exciting stuff.

I am horribly horribly nauseous. 24/7. It sucks. But at least I'm not barfing. But then some days I wish I would just barf and get it over with. While it sucks, it makes me feel good - as being nauseous is a good sign.

At least I can still eat. And boy am I ever! I have to eat something about every hour, otherwise the nausea gets worse. When I was pregnant with baby girl I was the same way (and the nausea did not end after the first trimester!) but that time nothing was in the least appetizing. I had to force myself to eat after the nausea set in.

Anyone have any suggestions for nausea? Was there something that worked magic for you? My sister suggested ginger snaps when I was pregnant with baby girl, and that worked for maybe a week, then I couldn't even look at a ginger snap and thinking about one now makes me want to barf...

Don't forget to go vote!!

I can't wait to vote tonight! My hubby gets to leave an hour early and we are heading straight for the polls! I'm so glad we live in a town with a population under 100 today. Even if the whole town shows up at once we won't have to wait as long as some people will. Which is awesome since we have two itty bitty kiddies ;) It looked like half the town was there earlier when I came home from the store.

And then we're going to try to stay up as late as possible tonight! :) Which means I'll be nodding off on the couch by 8pm ;)

Isn't it exciting??

I'm going to have to take some snacks to the polls. I hope they don't mind if I get a cheetoe smudge on their computer screen. Yes, even in our poh-dunk little town we have computers to vote on! (although, I'm a little leary of that given what came to light yesterday about computers and voter fraud).

Anyway... I am freaking starving. 24/7!! I've never been so damn hungry in my entire life!! Have you seen the movie Slither? It's hilarious - actually a stupid-funny B horror flick. But there's this part where this woman has been impregnated by this alien with a bunch of slugs or whatever and she's all blown up like a big balloon (so much that she can't even move) and she says "I'm so f*ng hungry. I never knew anyone could be so hungry. Could you hand me a piece of that possum?" I so feel like that right now.

Seriously, I'm eating like a Hobbit. I'm eating 2 or 3 of each meal. And then eating when I get up to pee in the middle of the night. Its outrageous. And I just can't quit!

One of my students came into class last night with a pizza, and I almost bribed him with a good grade for a slice. But luckily he offered before I had to beg. I chased the pizza with some M&Ms.

I ate half the groceries before I got home from the store today.

But I'm also feeling nauseous at the same time. Its so weird. I keep thinking that if I eat something I won't feel as nauseous... but the eating just keeps it slightly at bay.

Anyway, I'll just be sitting here eating everything sweet and salty in sight until its time to go vote! Then I'll be munching away in front of the TV until I find out who wins!!!

Guess I got some time after all

After waiting for my husband to come for for about 45mins, he called to say he was still stuck at work :) so maybe I can squeeze a real post in here after all :)

If you are here for the award, scroll down! :)

So I've been thinking a lot these past couple of weeks about pregnancies. For obvious reasons. I'm comparing it to the last one for anxiety reasons. And in hindsight, I really didn't have too many pregnancy symptoms last time. I was constipated, peeing a little more often, and just a little hungrier. But otherwise, I didn't even feel pregnant. I guess it didn't concern me last time because I didn't remember feeling all that pregnant with either of my two other babies.

But now? I remember feeling exactly like I'm feeling now when I was pregnant with my baby girl (my second baby). I am starving my butt off constantly. Last time, I would eat seconds at dinner, but I wasn't spending every waking hour scarfing up everything I could lay my hands on! And I've started feeling nauseous at night. And nauseousness is a good thing. OK, so it doesn't feel all that great, but it is a good indication of a well established pregnancy. The first night I started feeling nauseous, I was hesitantly feeling better about this pregnancy... but thinking maybe it was just something I ate... but now I've been nauseous for about three days straight! And I'm outgrowing my pants already! So I just can't help but feel good. Of course I'm still full of anxiety, but I know that I wasn't feeling anywhere near this pregnant last time.

It is killing me not being able to tell anyone! Well, of course I told you guys ;) But we are waiting to tell family until we are sure that everything is going OK. I will admit that I did tell my mom. Who doesn't blab to their mom right away? I still can't keep secrets from her. And knowing that she can't keep a secret, I finally broke down and told one of my sisters. It was maybe a week later than when I told my mom. And my sister said that my mom kept asking her if she'd talked to me, so she was thinking something was up. Too funny. And once my mom knew that I told my little sister, she just couldn't wait to tell my other sister... so I'm sure by now my entire family knows. But I won't tell my husband that :) And I actually talked to his sister for an hour yesterday and managed to keep my mouth shut about it! That was no easy feat!

I need to really watch myself though - we haven't told Tweenie yet. Because of last time. She was really excited about having another baby, and was pretty upset about the miscarriage. Last night while we were trick-or-treating I almost blabbed to a complete stranger in front of Tweenie! That would have been awful! Tell a stranger before your own daughter? I so need to just tape my big mouth shut! But I'm thinking that she's going to be able to guess here pretty soon, as my pants are no longer fitting...

The really sucky thing about not being able to tell anyone, is that every time I've been pregnant there's been some reason for not blabbing to everyone immediately.

The first time I was pregnant, I found out on the same day that my step-dad died. It was one of the best and worst days of my life. My step-dad had passed out at home after having passed out at work, they were headed to his Dr's. The next day I took the test at my mom's before we left for the hospital. I didn't want to take the test at home. Anyway, long story short, later that night was when they decided to take him off life support, and he passed right after. If I would have known, I never would have taken the test that day. I just know that my step-dad would have really gotten a kick out of my little man. I know he would have doted over him. Needless to say, we waited a while to tell my family. Just bad timing.

The second time I was pregnant, I was starting to think I was pregnant right after my little sister's dad passed away and she was going through a miscarriage. That was another awful time for my family. And again, I waited a while to tell my family. And then I waited even longer to tell my baby sister. And even when I did tell her, I felt just awful. With our first babies, we were pregnant at the same time, we had our first babies just two months apart. I so wanted to be pregnant with her again. She ended up having her second baby nine months after I had mine :)

And the last time? Well, we told everyone right away. Even though we found out that one of my husband's close cousins had passed away the same day. And his brother had just passed away a few weeks before. His family was thrilled though - with all the loss, they were so happy to be having another addition.

And that would be the down side of telling everyone right away... because then we ended up having to call and tell everyone the bad news. Those were some of the worst phone calls I've ever had to make.

Anyway, I don't know how long I can wait to tell everyone! How long should I wait? 10 weeks? 12 weeks? I'm thinking 10 weeks, because 12 weeks is just so long! I guess I'm already about halfway there - I will be six weeks along tomorrow. The funny thing is that at six weeks along with baby girl was when I started outgrowing my pants! I thought maybe it was twins since I was getting bigger quicker. But I guess after your first one you get bigger quicker :)

Well, I'll just be sitting here eating everything in sight and trying like crazy to keep my big mouth shut!

Damn that Halloween candy.

I mean seriously, it is just astounding how hungry I have been. I've even eaten stuff off the high chair after baby girl is done eating. As long as it hasn't already been slobbered on too much.

Aw, you shouldn't have ;)

I got this awesome award from Carrin over at Carrin's Comments! She is so sweet :) and she said some really nice things about me :) I just love her! And what an awesome award.


And here are the rules for this award:
Now should you accept the award, please follow these steps:
1.Post the award on your blog.
2. Link me for giving it to you.
3. Link the originating post - here.
4. Pass the award on to five more deserving people.
5. Post these rules for your recipients

Now for the choosing of 5 deserving people....

Saundra at And Italian Mama Gone Crazy I just love catching up with her and seeing what her and her boys are up to! And we have so much in common :)

Rachel at Livin and Lovin She's always got great stories, (seriously, read the one about how her Realtor knew which house was hers!).

Jo-Jo at A Mom's World of Madness and Blessings She's always got something going on! :) And I swear our husband's could be twins! ;)

Aubrey at the Fam Five she's just awesome and hilarious! I love seeing what's going on with her and her family!

MamaNeena because her header is so me ;) LOL! She is also hilarious, go read her post here and tell me you didn't laugh!

Anyway, if I left you out, I'm sorry and know that I love you anyway! :)

Darn, I was actually going to post something more substantial today, but hubby just called and he's on his way home from work :( so it will have to wait until Tuesday. Man, do I wish he would just work 7 days a week!! :)

Top 10 Reasons...

Why I did not take my kids to the special Halloween playgroup party today:

Yes, it's time again for Mama Kat's writing prompt!
And this week I'm choosing #5) You've been hired as a writer for "Late Show with David Letterman." Your first assignment is to come up with a witty, nonpolitical Top Ten list for him to read on air.
OK, so David Letterman would most likely never read a top ten list like this, but... he wasn't faced with the decision of whether to take his two little kids to a Halloween playgroup party...


10. I haven't taken my kids to the playgroup since about January. So they would know I was only going to get the free book and treats!
9. And actually, I only went to the playgroup about 3 or 4 times anyway... one of them being the Halloween party. And that was only to get the free book and treats ;)
8. I was afraid I would take a picture of the wrong Spiderman. Last year at least half of the boys went as Spiderman. My son has never seen Spiderman, yet *had* to have a Spiderman costume. Subliminal marketing?
7. We've gone somewhere every day this week... and I'm just tired of going... I needed one day for some rest and relaxation, 'cause we all know that with trick-or-treat tomorrow I'll be out and about again.
6. I need to stay home and sew my daughter a pirate vest for tomorrow. I spent 2-3 weeks crocheting one, but somehow it turned out to be way too big and she'd look like a clown instead of a pirate. Maybe she'd rather be a clown? ;) I guess I should be looking for my sewing machine!
5. All the other moms at the playgroup are either needy or pretentious. And lets just say that I don't fit into any of their little cliques. I hate to be mean and all, but its the truth. I would probably fit into that needy category too, but seriously, most of the time I don't mind not having any friends.
4. I planned on getting a lot of things done around the house instead. Oops. Guess I should have just been honest with myself and admitted that I was going to sit around doing bloggy things all day.
3. It was at 10:30am. And it takes 40mins to get there. Need I say more?
2. I won't have time or energy to wash their Halloween costumes before trick-or-treat, and we all know that they will be soiled in some way (by food or diaper leakage).
1. I'm just a lazy bitch.

Voting is now closed ;)

Thank you all for voting in my poll!

I have decided to go ahead and let my daughter start shaving. I know that she will be thrilled!! I'm going to go out and buy her an electric shaver, so she doesn't end up living with band-aids all over her legs! :)

Out of 16 people who voted, 11 of them said I should go ahead and let her shave.
And most of the responders said they/their daughters started shaving at 12 years old. 11 years old came in at a close second place. So I guess its not too terribly early.

For the past week I have been trying to remember how old I was when I started shaving, and I just can't remember.

What I do remember about it? Well, I don't remember my mother telling me anything about it beforehand. And maybe I just took up shaving without asking? But the first time I shaved, not only did I shave my legs, but I also shaved my forearms!! So I do remember my mother telling me that you weren't supposed to shave your arms :) I guess maybe I got confused and thought arms instead of armpits??

Anyway, thank you all for voting and thanks for all the advice!!

And I keep meaning to give a shout out to April at The Life of Me Plus Three! She just started her blog this month and flatteringly stated that I helped her make the decision :) Dig around in her archives 'cause she's got some really good posts there!

And I should also mention that Jo-Jo of A Mom's World of Madness and Blessings is hosting her very first giveaway! A shirt with your bloggy name on it from Embroidery Works! :) Sounds awesome!

Candycorn anyone?

Dear Husband,

OK, I admit it. It was me last night eating candy corn in bed at 3am.

I couldn't help myself.

It was calling to me from the counter when I got up to pee for the second time.

I would have just eaten it in the kitchen, but I was holding sleeping baby girl and didn't want her to wake up (the joys of co-sleeping). So I crawled into bed with a handful of candy corn. At least it was a quiet food and I didn't wake everyone up with my munching.

But yeah, OK, there may be a little orange stain on the bed from when I fell asleep in the middle of my snack. And maybe a few stray candy corns under my pillow. At least it wasn't chocolate pudding I was sneaking in bed.

I know, I know, I am a big freak about not eating in bed and have forbidden you to ever do so. But you should know by now that the "no eating in bed" rules change for pregnant women. I'm exempt from this rule for the next 7 or so months. You however, are still forbidden from eating in bed. I just don't like the idea of sleeping in someone else's crumbs.

Thanks for understanding :)

I would so walk a mile for...

some good Mexican food!!! Yes, it's time again for Mama Kat's writing prompt!

But sadly, around here - there are no good Mexican restaurants! I would have to walk about 500 miles...

Man do I love me some good Mexican food! I wouldn't just walk a mile for some right now, I would totally do some unsavory things (OK, couldn't come up with something more specific at this moment) to get some good Mexican food right now!

The best Mexican food I've ever had was in Tucson. I spent a year there in graduate school. And I'll be damned if I didn't eat Mexican food at least twice a week! Probably more like 5 times a week. I would have so totally been in heaven had I been pregnant while I was there. I think through every pregnancy I've dreamed about the food there... from the taco shacks to the fancy restaurants...

Oh, the rolled guacamole tacos and the machaca burrito were totally my favorites. But the best thing in the world? There was this restaurant down the street from my apartment that had a Sunday breakfast buffet. Me and a bunch of my friends from the apartment complex would go out drinking Saturday night and then we'd all go out to the breakfast buffet on Sunday morning all hung-over or still drunk from the night before. Oh I can still taste the cheese enchilada casserole. And I've tried so hard to find a recipe that would taste anything like it!

So that's what I would totally walk a mile for.

I've been tagged!

I've had a busy day! I so need to go do some blog visiting and catch up!! I will have to do it tomorrow as I just finally got all my groceries put away after going to a bunch of appointments and the store today... and its just about time to go pick the huz up at work... days need to be sooo much longer!!

So I need to come up with 7 random/weird facts about myself?? Geez, aren't they all random and weird ;)

1. I know why little man loves Cheetoes and Oreos so much ;) I ate them like crazy when I was pregnant with him.

2. I totally ate a temporary filling this afternoon while scarfing down some bbq chicken chunks from Wal-Mart... ugh, that one should probably fall under gross... the weird thing is that I had the "temporary" filling put in Jan of 2004! I'll say those temporary fillings last quite a while! I better get my butt to the dentist! But I hate the dentist!!!

3. I always envisioned myself a PTA mom. Until I had kids. (I joke!) And until I saw how busy my sister is with all that stuff! She does way too much. Really, I wouldn't mind doing the PTA thing or getting more involved in school activities, but we live 30miles from the school and that makes it really difficult.

4. I'm totally loading little man up on sweets as I work on this post. It is keeping him quiet! ;) I just hope he'll eat something for dinner tonight.

5. We have a weiner dog and a black lab. The weiner dog totally rules the entire house. She is also the better watch-dog. Go figure. She also bosses my mom's black lab around when we visit her.

6. I totally love garlic. I don't know where I came about this love because apparently my mother was afraid to use real garlic in anything. As an adult, attempting some of the recipes she made while we were kids, I realized that she omitted garlic from every recipe that called for it. Instead she would shake a little garlic powder in whatever it was.

7. I totally just ate little man's wasted, crumbled Nilla wafer cakester off the table. It was pretty darn good! :)

And now I totally have to run out the door to get the huz in time! So as far as tagging others goes... If anyone wants to be tagged go for it!! Feel free to snatch it up ;)


PS: I totally forgot to link back to the person who tagged me!! Sorry Melissa! So there it is :)

I'm such an ass...

Guess what guys? I tested too early!! Twice!! You gotta read the fine lines on these things people ;) I tested 5 days before my period was due... the first time... that was Tuesday. And it was after drinking a few cups of coffee - well after my first morning pee... Then I thought I would just check again on Wed morning with first morning pee. When they say 5 days sooner... that means 5 days before the day after you should have started your period. So really its 4 days before your expected period. And of course I totally did not even take heed of the percentage info on the test:

53% of pregnant women get results 5 days sooner. 74% get results 4 days sooner. 84% get results 3 days sooner, 87% get results 2 days sooner.

So I got my second negative on Wednesday and was so depressed that I went ahead and drank too much coffee, didn't take my prenatal vitamin... etc... just assumed that a negative really meant "no chance in hell you idiot."

But not too long after getting that negative, my boobs started really hurting. And I realized that I wasn't just thinking they hurt due to wishing they hurt. And the day I got the negative? Totally scarfed down a whole KFC famous bowl in record time. My hubby was astonished to see that and commented on it. And the whole time I was afraid that he would accuse me of being pregnant and I would totally lose it and sob while telling him that I wasn't. And then I started with the heartburn. I've had horrid heartburn for the past three days! And I've been falling asleep watching tv at 9pm!! And did I mention how damned hungry I was???

So, this morning I debated with myself as long as I could hold my pee about whether to waste my last test or not. I decided, who cares? Waste of money for a good reason. And I can just buy more next month if necessary.

So guess what happened? Just as I was starting to get really discouraged for the third time this month, and just as I was about to pitch the thing in the trash... a faint little second line showed up!!!!! It's there!! 2 lines!!!!

I just can't form the words for how uber-happy this makes me today! Hubby was all smiles too.

But now comes the really hard part. Being scared and paranoid for the next 9 weeks. Hoping and praying that all will go well until that 12 week mark. And then the worry and anxiety of making it the rest of the way without any complications.

I'm just going to try really hard to stay as positive as possible. Think positive. Be positive. Take it easy and relax. And pray. Pray, pray, pray that I will be able to keep this baby in my belly. Please baby stay with me. I want you. I need you. I love you already! Please love me too!

Humor Me Puhlease ;)

My tweenie is getting all too growed up, all too fast. She has been bugging me since March to let her shave her legs. I just don't think I'm ready for that yet. But then again, she is going to grow up whether I want her to or not. And if I don't help her out and explain things to her and show her how to do things? I just don't want to think about what kinds of wrong ideas that will give her. Or that her friends will give her.

Last weekend, after her halloween stay-over party... she asked me if she was going to get the Gardisil vaccine. Because her friend V was talking to her about it and had gotten it. V is at least 2 years older than tweenie. We had actually talked to our family physician about it and she suggested around the age of 13 (which is how old V is). So, thanks to V, I had to explain a few things to tweenie.

Then on Wednesday, during the debate, tweenie asked what abortion was. Thank God she asked during the debate and my husband wasn't too shocked to say anything and he told her we would talk about it later because we wanted to hear the debate. Now I have to come up with how to explain that one to her. Thank you presidential debate.

Back in March when she first started asking me if she could shave her legs, I put her off by saying that she needed to show me that she was responsible enough to do the "necessary" things like taking a shower, brushing her teeth and hair, clipping her nails and remembering to put deodorant on without being told before she could move on to the more optional things. She remembered to do some of those things for a couple of days after each conversation... I don't know what it is with the girls her age, but they do *not* like taking baths or showers. My step daughter is 9 mos older than tweenie and is the same way. Neither of them will do any self-maintenance things unless and until you specifically tell them to.

And sometimes, I hate to admit, I am not completely on top of it all and may forget to remind them to do these things. They will not say anything. They will run around unshowered for as long as it takes me to remember to tell them to go shower.

When I was that age? I'll be damned if I didn't take a shower every other day if not daily. And the first time I smelled my own armpits? That's when I totally started showering daily come hell or highwater! And I never would have left the house without putting on deodorant. I mean there were cute boys at school! And tweenie and the step-daughter? They are totally into boys too! Don't they want to smell good for those boys?

But back to the shaving thing. The other day Tweenie tells me that her leg hair is embarrassing and can't she puhlease start shaving? If she remembers to shower for the rest of the month without being told can't she puhlease start shaving? Everyone else in her class does! I tell her that its almost winter and there's no point in starting now because she'll be wearing pants until spring. But no! There's gym class and she'll be wearing shorts for gym class. Well, she's got a point there. But the embarrassing part? I told her that what would embarrass me more than unshaven legs was smelling bad. She looked at me like I was joking around with her. I told her I was serious. I would so rather be caught with hairy legs than with horrid BO! I would go out in public with stubbly or fully hairy legs way before I would ever leave the house without showering and lathering on the deodorant.

I told her I would think about it.

I asked my step-daughter's mother if the step-daughter had start shaving yet. She is a year older. And she said that just last week she'd helped her shave her legs and armpits with an electric shaver. And I think that when I do let tweenie shave it will totally be with an electric shaver. Part of the reason I've been so hesitant is thinking of the mess that tweenie will invariably leave behind in the bathroom...and all the knicks she will end up with on her leg because she will be trying to do it so fast...and the potential of her using my razors... Electric shaver seems like the way to go. Now for the when part... Can't they just stay 5 forever???

Please help me out by voting in my poll on the sidebar! :)

I Wish I Was Making This Stuff Up!

For those of you dying to know - I kid myself ;) The p-test (what an accurate abbreviation!) was a BFN. Negative. I think it actually laughed at me both times I dug it out of the garbage to make sure another line didn't show up. I was going to do a long depressing post about how disappointed I am, but... I need to find a good mood from somewhere. I have to teach tonight. So I will try to save my depression for tomorrow when I have no other-worldly obligations.

So on to the post having nothing to do with not being pregnant this month.

I have reprimanded my 11-year old daughter many many times about taking her time when she does things. She is constantly tearing open packages beyond the ziplock, opening packages upside down... spilling things out in her hurry to get the package open.

Cut to this morning. Little man has climbed over the safety gate, into the kitchen, got himself into his booster seat and buckled himself up and is requesting "marshmewows, marshmewows, marshmewows, nebo smoot snacks, nebo smoot snacks (Nemo fruit snacks), marshmewows, marshmewows, banowna bar (granola bar), marshmewows, marshmewows..." while I'm trying to make my coffee.

So I, under much duress, am trying to open a new bag of his marshmellow cereal (which, yes, he will only eat the marshmellows out of) as quickly as possible so that he will cease with the raving 3 year old rant...

What happens? Of course, I tear open the bag past the ziplock! Out pops little chocolate balls and marshmellows.

And then what happens? My potty mouth gets the better of me and I say "son of a big fat bitch" because of course it couldn't have just been shit or damn or anything less colorful.

And what does little man pick out of that phrase to repeat?

"mama's a fat bitch, mama's a fat bitch"

I wish I was making that up.

I turned my head so he couldn't see me giggling like a jr. high school girl... and so he would quit repeating that asap! God I hope he forgets that one really really quick!

What am I teaching these kids? Give me a bar of Lava soap quick!

Got Socks?

Dear Husband,

No, I do not know why you never have any clean socks.

No, I'm not doing anything with them.

Neither is the washer/dryer.

I haven't hidden them on you. I'm not prancing around with them all over my body while you are at work. I'm not holding them hostage as some kind of petty revenge strategy.

And it's no fault of my laundering abilities.

Seriously, I have bought you socks about 20 times in the past six months. You should have an entire dresser completely full to the brim of socks, nothing but socks, with socks spilling out.

I have no idea where all your socks have gone to.

Maybe if you put your dirty clothes in one pile... anywhere near any other dirty clothes in this house you might have some clean socks? Just maybe?

Have you looked under the bed? In the sheets? On the other side of the bed? Under the bathroom cabinet? In the living room under the couch? Under the recliner? Next to the remote control? Under the keyboard? They must be hiding pretty good because I haven't seen them in weeks.

I guess I'll just go buy some more so you can have some clean socks for next week.

Who needs a new wardrobe when you have an old crappy one?

My tween daughter went to a Halloween party this weekend. She actually voluntarily took a shower in the afternoon to get ready for the party. She counted down the minutes until she could get ready, until we would leave, until she would get there! She was so excited about this party. She even tried to tell me that the party started at 12:30, even though I had called and talked to the mother who told me the party started at 1pm. She was probably just trying to get there on time. I need to remember to explain to her the concept of casually late ;)

Anyway, what does she decide to wear to this party that she's been counting the days down for two weeks for? The crappiest, oldest, stained up t-shirt she owns and some exercise pants. I made her go change at least her shirt. She comes down 10 minutes later in an equally crappy t-shirt. I had to have her change 3 times before I just gave up. At least the t-shirt she wore was fairly new. But still, it was just a crappy t-shirt.

I threatened to take away all of her crappy clothes. And I think I'm actually going to do it. Its a battle we've been having for a couple of years now. She was horrified at the thought of losing her crappy clothes. I buy her clothes all of the time! I buy her decent, good looking clothes. I buy her clothes that she yearns after in the store. Does she wear these clothes to school? Even the ones that she herself picks out? NO! She insists, day after day, on wearing the crappiest clothes she owns to school. And then she will wear her decent clothes on the weekend.

Last weekend we were going to take a bunch of garbage to the dump. What does she put on? Yep, one of her newest, light pink, outfits. Name-brand pretty stuff. To the garbage dump.

When we were moving six months ago, she had packed all of the stuff that was most important to her. Left in her room were tons of clothes with tags still on them.

Does she not understand anything about image? Or maybe its that she does? Maybe she wants everyone to think that she's horribly poor and her parents never buy anything for her? I know that one of her things is to guilt people into giving her things. Especially food. But could she really be that conniving? Or am I just being paranoid?

It really pains me to think that she's trying to make people think that she has it bad or something. We get her just about everything she wants within reason. She's got a room full of stuff that she just had to have and played with for about a week.

I don't know what her deal is, but I really wish she would just wear her decent clothes to school. I guess I should be glad that she doesn't have to wear name-brand stuff every day.

Scary Stuff!

Every week I plan on doing Mama Kat's writing prompt... and every week I end up just too darn busy. But this week, oh I'm still busy... busy being scared! ;)

Writing Prompt: My 10 biggest fears

1. Germs. Yep, I am a huge germ-a-phobe. Carry around germ-x and purell like you wouldn't believe. It's all I can do not to bathe in the stuff if I even think about something germy and icky. Every winter my hands get horribly chapped from all the handwashing. Just today, I bathed a shopping cart in purell because baby girl would not keep her mouth off of it! Now that is scary!
   
2. Gas Appliances. They totally freak me out. I hold my breath every time I light my burners or oven. I run past the water heater in the basement. I put off checking the LP tank as long as possible (which has led to some expensive emergency deliveries).
3. Undercooked Meat. I cook my meat until I am absolutely sure its no longer pink. And then I cook it some more. Incidentally, gravy is awesome. It helps with all the dryness from cooking the meat too long. Of course it doesn't help so much with the burnt meat.
4. Feet. I can't stand them. Except for baby feet of course. Who doesn't love baby feet? This probably goes back to the whole fear of germs thing. I don't even touch my own feet. And if I accidentally do (aside from in the shower of course), I wash my hands about five times.
5. That my husband will come home early from work one day and catch me blogging here. ;)
   
6. The Hantavirus. Probably completely irrational, but still. Every fall, when the weather turns, or in the summer when it's especially hot and dry, the mice come in. We live in a rural area, so its completely unavoidable. And it completely freaks me out that some mice carry this virus. Every winter I'm ready to abandon my house for one that doesn't get mice.
7. The fact that some stores still sell toys that are recalled. Its perfectly legal in some states (including the one I'm living in). The fact that toys with high levels of lead paint in them might still be on the shelves at my local store scares the crap out of me. Especially since both of my little ones have a habit of putting everything in their mouths.
8. Everything on the floor of my car. My car is a mess. That's what happens when you live 30 miles from the closest fast food restaurant and you can't wait to get home to eat. And you make a habit of giving the two little ones milk/juice/snacks in the car and forget to fish out the bottle/cup/leftover and/or thrown snacks when you get home.
9. Basements/Attics. I fear them both equally due to watching too many damn horror movies as a kid. I totally run up/down the stairs when leaving in case of being chased by masked serial murderer or supernatural scary being who just happens to be hiding there.
10. That I won't see two pink lines next week!!

darn, did I do this a day late? Oh well, that's par for the course of my life! ;) Better late then never. Are there any more cliches about being late?

And now for (drumroll please)...

the waiting to pee on a stick part. I wish you could really just do this immediately. I hate waiting for anything. I especially hate waiting for something you really really want. I'm all about the instant gratification. You should be able to pee on a stick right after you have sex. Then you would know for sure whether you really hit your ovulation and whether you need to keep trying for the next few days or so...

I've been using fertility/ovulation tracking software. There are some really cool ones out there. My favorite is Hormonal Forecaster. With this one you can mark the days that you have sex! As well as record any kind of info you want (ie. icky body fluid tmi stuff) And if you add previous menstrual cycles it will give you a really accurate ovulation prediction. I used this one when I was trying to get pregnant with baby girl. I learned from this software that I tend to ovulate early - from about 9 days instead of 14. You can download a trial version that you can use for like 45 days or so. You can also download a palm version and sync it up with your desktop. Pretty cool eh? I wish I would have bought it, but it only took the 45 day trial period to get pregnant with baby girl.

I used it last time I was trying to get pregnant too. I had gotten a new laptop, so I could download it fresh again. Although that time it took a little longer than the 45 day trial period - thinking ahead I wrote down the dates it said I should be ovulating... and once again it proved to be pretty accurate. Again, I didn't purchase it because I figured that it would be the last time I would need it. Little did I know...

This time I am using two different free trial versions. I downloaded Femta, which is also pretty nice. You can add all the menstrual dates you want, but you can't record the dates you have sex or any other info... but also I noticed that the more dates I entered the wider the graph got for ovulation... so it doesn't seem to be quite as accurate as Hormonal Forecaster. And it doesn't seem to have the most friendly user interface. I also downloaded the Ovulation Calendar. This one has a better user interface, but again, you can't record other information on the calendar, and it doesn't even let you go back and record previous menstrual dates... But apparently, if you purchase the regular version you should be able to conceive your choice of gender ;)

I think I read somewhere that to conceive a baby girl you should have sex before ovulation because baby girl sperm can last longer... whereas if you want a boy you should have sex closer to your ovulation date or like on you ovulation date... I don't know whether I completely buy that one.

I know, I know, I obsess much. I just thought if anyone else is out there trying to get pregnant you might want to check out one of these helpful tools :) That way you know which days you can stick with the "I'm too tired tonight" routine and which days you should save some energy for later.

In other news, remember the award from last week? Well I didn't give it to Jo-Jo because I saw that Darcie had already given it to her, well she in turn awarded me ;) funny how these things work isn't it? But it all works out ok because after I awarded it to my "followers," I realized that a couple of my consistent commenters were not on my following list, so I felt bad about leaving them out. So, go look here for the award post because I'm too damn lazy to upload the picture and copy the rules into another post. And this time I award it to: Lola from Sassy Mama Says, Aubrey from the Fam Five, MamaNeena, Jen from Coconut Belly and Kristin from Street Lights to Starry Nights.

Now I must go make a bunch of phone calls I put off all last week... I hate making phone calls. Can't I just email everyone?

The Lighter Side

Or how my boy is learning to use his adjectives!! ;)

I was going to write another heavy post today, but then decided that it's time to lighten up a little... plenty of time for heavy posts... besides, I have to prepare myself for teaching my class tonight... and would I have gone for the heavy, I would have sat here all day tweaking words and sentences and filling up this editing box and thinking way too much ;)

My little man just turned 3 a few weeks ago. Ever since he began talking, my husband and I have told ourselves and each other that we need to start watching our mouths. We both have monstrous potty mouths. I'm not proud or anything, and there's no real good excuse for it (although I have lots).

But seriously, when you have spent all day with a whiner and a fussy sick baby and the husband comes home and instead of providing a little relief: he is whinier, fussier and needier than the two little ones... the foul language flies aplenty. It's hard to censor yourself when you are on the edge. And I'm there a little more often than I'd like to admit.

When my little man went through his big-time repeating everything phase, again we kept telling ourselves that we needed to watch our language. Luckily, his repeating of our flavorful comments were limited and short-lived, while other annoying, but clean phrases were repeated for hours/weeks on end.

So here we are: he's not repeating quite as much these days. But last night at dinner?

Little man: something about the "f*ing leaves falling" "f*ing leaves falling" "f*ing leaves falling"

Us: trying really hard not to laugh - don't want to encourage him. Don't want him to think it's funny or OK to say such things.

Little man: "f*ing marshmeews are good" "f*ing marshmeews are good"

After the kids went to bed: (laughing about what he said at the dinner table) "I've never used the f word about the leaves. And I've never used the f word about his marshmallows!"
"I haven't either" He's learning how/when/where to use his adjectives! Another milestone reached!

Now we just need to give him some better adjectives to use. And try to avoid those that would be absolutely embarrassing in public!

Mama Kat's Hoover Giveaway!!

If you have not stumbled upon this yet, get your butt over there and enter to win this awesome Hoover Vacuum at Mama Kat's place! Who doesn't need a new vacuum? I know I do! Mine is seriously biting the dust! With all the pet hair and people hair that poor thing has sucked up... not to mention the mashed in goldfish, fruit snacks, etc... it just doesn't want to suck anymore :(

She's got some awesome videos *and* a seriously awesome picture of herself vacuuming ;)

And did I mention that she completely rocks for the linky love she gave me??

Thank You!

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. You guys really helped me to put things in perspective.

To be totally honest, after my first two comments from Lola and Saundra, I felt like shit. Here I am starting a new blog, trying to gain readers, and find a new community, and I come up with a post about my daughter that makes me look like a huge schmuck. I fretted about it all weekend (I do not do bloggy stuff on the weekends). I considered deleting the post. But then, the deal with this blog is all about honesty. Whether it makes me look crazy or not ;) Whether it makes me look like a schmuck or not. I don't want to censor myself here.

Lola and Saundra definitely had valid comments/suggestions. And that's what I'm looking for. But of course I felt so much better about my post when I read the additional comments. I had a great mix of ideas and suggestions and thoughts about the situation. And that's what I needed. I need all of your opinions! Whether you think I'm being crazy or you somewhat/partially/totally agree. So thank you all very much! All of your opinions meant a lot.

Sometimes I feel like such a failure at parenting. Especially with Tweenie. I feel like I really need to relax about stuff with her and try to have more patience. I used to pride myself on how much patience I had with children. Until I had some of my own! I had lots of patience for Tweenie when she first came to live with us. But then I got pregnant with little man. Somehow, pregnancy is a huge patience killer. And then little man ended up with colic. If you've had a baby with colic, you know how much patience is necessary. It was all I could do to muster up patience for him. There was no leftover patience. I feel as if I've never quite regained my patience.

Aside from that, we are just coming off/settling down from some huge stresses and transitions. And stress does very little for patience. I need to learn how to relax and relinquish some control. I've been historically awful at that. And when I'm stressed, things just bother me so much more.

You want to know the crazy thing? One of the best nights we've had as a family in the past few months was the night after I had my miscarriage. Why? Because the nurse told me that I was not supposed to do anything for two days. And I was too damn tired and emotionally drained to be in control of everything - I had to relinquish control. Tweenie stepped in and was happy to have her first diaper changing experience. I let her really help out with the two little ones. The nurturer in her came out and she did an excellent job. She was in her element. But then after I was able to do things again, she didn't want to step back. And I'm sure this is when our recent troubles started.

Anyway, after reading through all of your comments, my plan is to figure out those times when she is genuinely trying to be helpful and just let it go. Let her help. It is wonderful to have someone who is eager to help out. I should welcome the help. Especially since kids her age aren't always so willing to do such things. I shouldn't squash that. I also need to set up some boundaries and discuss them with her. Let her know when it is and isn't OK to do something without asking.

You guys rock :)

Tween Troubles

I'm having issues with my tween daughter. I absolutely love her, and she is a great kid. But she is driving me crazy! and I don't know the best way to handle it.

For some background information... she is adopted. Which, to me, does not mean that she's any less my daughter. It was a family adoption- she's our niece. Her mother had given up her parental rights without checking with any family, so we had to go through the entire adoption process, which was completely grueling, but absolutely worth it. She's been with us since she was 5. We did not know much about her living situation until after we had her living with us full time and got some paperwork/background info from the state. She had been in and out of foster homes and had spent much time with babysitters and fending for herself at home. Her past experiences had left her very independent. From the day she stepped into our lives she has struggled for control over just about everything. Fortunately, this seems to be one of the only somewhat negative behaviors she has (I say somewhat, because it's not always a negative behavior).

The first Halloween she was with us, she cried and was horribly upset because we would not hand her a knife and let her carve her own pumpkin (we let her draw the design for us to cut out).

Since day 1 we have had constant battles over her need for absolute independence. I have yet to figure out the best way to handle it.

Now she is 11. And she is constantly racing me to do things! When it's dinner time she will run around the kitchen trying to get everything we need onto the table before I get a chance to do so, or before I can tell her to stop, or before I can even ask her to do something.
She will abandon anything else that she happens to be in the middle of to do so (ie: feeding the baby). Now I certainly don't mind her helping out, but I would prefer that she be asked to do something before just racing to do it. And the big issue with her being in such a hurry is that she will end up spilling things, knocking things over, or making a big mess in the process.

Every single time that we have left her at home with a babysitter we come home to a big mess. Unfortunately the person we use to come watch the kids once in a while totally indulges her and lets her be in charge.

I do let her help me with things a lot. She loves baking, so as a special thing for her and I to do together we will make cookies or some other baking project. But honestly, it always turns into a big fiasco. She tries too hard to do things too fast, and tries to grab the next ingredient before she's even finished with the first one... I've explained to her and talked to her about taking her time and concentrating on what she's doing, but it has made no difference. I'm at a loss.

While I appreciate (and to be honest, sometimes take advantage of) her helping with the two little ones, she tends to go above and beyond some boundaries when it comes to their care. Which is to say she will do things for them and give things to them without asking (ie: getting their bottles/cups, changing diapers, giving them food/cookies-whatever it is she thinks they need, run to pick up the baby when I am sitting right there). Now, I am a big control freak, so that totally gets under my skin. And there's not really a nice way to tell her that. I have explained to her the importance of not giving the baby any food without asking first. And I realize that in all likelihood she is just trying to help. But it really makes me angry when one of the little ones has a sinky butt and she races me to the diaper/wipes stash. It makes me think that it is all about control for her. It's apparent that she wants to be in control of every aspect of her own life, and it annoys her to no end when we treat her as if she's a child (read: when we treat her as a child of her own age). But she really needs to understand that I am the parent and that I'm the one in charge.

Am I just paranoid here?

I know that things are just going to get worse from here on out, as she's not even a teenager yet. So I'm really hoping to get some kind of handle on this situation soon.

Welcome to my space!

I'm glad you stopped by for a visit. I'm not new to the mommyblogging sphere, but needed some more anonymous space with which to work. My mommyblog had been "found or discovered" by others. And it's gotten to the point where I just can't even post anything with any real substance there. And I am a writer. I live to write. I need to write. I need to share, whether I should or not. Writing is my preffered method of communication. I can write so much better than I can speak.

I started my mommyblog about a year ago, just after I had my baby girl. I was having a hard time with postpartum depression. I needed someplace to have a voice in the crowd, to gain a sense of community with other mothers out there. I live in a town with a population under 100. It's a rural area, with no close neighbors. Most weeks, I have no interaction with other adults. I have no family close. My husband does, but we see them very rarely. Once I added my baby girl to my toddler boy, it was so much more difficult to get out. And that just really wreaked havoc on my emotional state. I never really had friends much, and didn't really feel the need. But now, with my children, boy do I feel the need. When you have children there is a need for a community. You just really need to have communications with other mothers. I tried going to a playgroup, but it was too far away, and the other mothers were just not my style... and already set in their little cliques.

I really hate to start from scratch like this, but feel like I am left with no option. It is so time consuming to set up your blog, get listed in all the directories, get all your widgets and buttons and linkies and whathaveyou. But it will be so worth it to be able to post whatever I want. And it's not like I had that many readers to begin with... but of course those I had, I loved :) And it took almost a year to get them. I hope they end up finding me here.